Fun50Couple-SCREW: A Tale from the Dale

So hello Sexy Subscribers, its Christmas Day…are we all enjoying it? OR, is it getting a bit too much, and you’re in need of some light relief?  Read on…

Some of you may have seen pictures of Minx out on the local moors in a PVC outfit, taken just over a year ago shortly before the Glorious Twelfth. Despite shelling out considerable sums of money to various ‘professional photographers’ over the years, most of our best photos have been taken not by them, but by us using nothing more than a compact Lumix camera.  Many of the ‘moors’ images have been ‘liked’ and ‘retweeted’ by followers on social media, however, we’ve never shared with you (until now) what really happened that sunny August day.

We’d been talking about getting some pics in deserted buildings…Minx in PVC or leather against a backdrop of urban decay and graffiti… glamour side by side with deprivation; it’s a format that’s worked well for us in the past, especially when we shot pictures of stretch limmos back in the Nineties. The previous day we’d missed a delivery of sex toys for FUN-FIVE-0 from Royal Mail, so before heading out on photographic duty we called round to the local sorting office to pick up the failed consignment…a medium sized carton containing mostly Fifty Shades Darker merchandise for the run up to Christmas. The office is situated in the middle of town so once the parcel had been collected, we headed out towards the suburbs in search of semi derelict buildings suitable for a photo shoot. Though still only the middle of the morning, it was hot with sunny blue skies. Not keen to be seen in the local area as a passenger in a vehicle dressed in fetwear Minx chose to wear instead a casual outfit….cropped trousers, sandals and a black lacey top.  PVC &  leather outfits, boots and several pairs of heels were in a bag…we’d come out in a van that we own, so it would be easy for Minx to change into clothes in the back, out of sight of passers-by. We soon found ourselves on a road skirting the Northern edge of town. Classy properties line one side of the highway, all with generous back gardens falling away and down into the Wear Valley, with spectacular views across the countryside towards the Scottish borders. A distant horizon beckoned… a sharp line between earth and sky….devoid of trees and a clue to the nature of the landscape… open moorland.  Further evidence was a purple-pink hue, heather out in all its glory. This was no day for chimney pots and people, and for once, heart ruled over head as we abandoned plans for urban exploration.  The heat, the clear sky and the wide open space, not to mention the mischievous sense of anticipation (exhibitionism in a semi-public place) won the day, as we altered course to reach the skyline faraway.  The Pennines is a designated ‘Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty’ and right on our doorstep, though sadly we have little time to enjoy it, especially with us touring so much, but this day was different.

Urban sprawl gave way to more isolated homesteads and fine stone walls, sheep and the smell of hay, the odd field of barley with combines at work, a welcome relief for sure from hot pavements and eternal traffic. Having said that, our focus for the day was photography, and we found ourselves scratching heads to find a suitable location. Some old dilapidated barns looked promising, but they were inundated with sheep, and dung, so we passed on them; next up was a large area of forest…a potential place for some semi-nude posing you might think? Not so, because the area is a mecca for mountain bikers. We’d been caught out like that once before, believing we were on our own, in peace. Minx had Geeze’s jeans down in a woodland clearing in Scotland, teasing his bum with a frond of bracken as he bent over a stump, when suddenly out of nowhere came Mr Extreme Rider, in Lycra shorts, Monster Energy T shirt and a helmet with the obligatory Go-Pro, de rigeur these days for any self-respecting enthusiast; Yep, a close shave, but saved from embarrassment by the sound of splashing water as he careered through a large puddle spanning the trail behind us, allowing us sufficient time (just) to restore a modicum of decency heehee. So we passed on the woodland, and stopped at its perimeter, by a gateway, framed between two giant stone posts. Leading away was a field of poor quality grass mixed with broom and the odd patch of heather; the pure moorland started about a quarter of a mile distant. A dry stone wall surrounded ‘our’ paddock, bridged at one point by a wooden style going up and over the stonework, for the use of transient hill-walkers, and an ideal spot for Minx to pose for some up-skirt shots. The road at this point was a right angle, so Geeze parked right up on the broad verge, so we were able to view oncoming traffic from either direction in good time, not that there were many cars about; Minx stood by the side of the van’s sliding door, and changed into PVC and boots while Geeze kept a lookout and set the camera up. A skylark was somewhere high above us… a bird famed for evoking emotion through its song; unlike most birds, the skylark sings in flight, while rising vertically until he’s scarcely visible….Tennyson (in memoriam) put it like this

“drowned in yonder living blue, the lark becomes a sightless song”

and so it was this glorious day, prompting Minx & I to pause, and savour the moment with a hug, while gazing skyward to try and catch a glimpse of the tiny bird, singing away, capable of producing some of the most complex sounds in the animal kingdom, over 300 different syllables in fact, each individual bird slightly different to any other. I guess some of you might be wondering, how one minute we can be described as decadent/debased/morally corrupt people…(yeah we agree) and the next we’re coming across as kind genteel twitchers, at one with nature?  Escorts are human too, contrary to the belief of many who paint us as losers, or victims, who need ‘help’. That’s just the way it is. We choose to be escorts, it is our job, and not much different to any other service industry provider, you got that?

A dirt road along the side of the paddock led to a field shelter a hundred yards distant; a barbed wire fence just short of the dry stone wall prevented animals from breaking down the stonework while thick undergrowth filled the gap in between. We got several neat shots of Minx displaying varying amounts of ass, peeking out from between the tracks of a zip running from top to bottom of the dress. Her naked flesh glared lilywhite under the overhead sun, contrasting sharply with the shiny black PVC, but we couldn’t keep it up for long! It was thirsty work, and Minx was roasting, time to move on. A distant Range Rover also made us a little wary. England isn’t like Scotland where one has freedom to roam and the last thing we wanted was for some Hooray Henry to inquire as to why we might be ‘trespassing’!  So away we went, onward and upward, literally, as the land rose, and became more barren with altitude, except for the ground cover which was now 100% heather. And the odd grouse.

We drove for about a mile before turning up a narrow road to the right, passing an ancient sign with some kind of name on it….something ‘Edge’.  The road was in poor condition, and obviously a victim to severe weather in winter, nevertheless it smoothed out & improved around a hundred yards in, where we were rewarded by a stunning vista, extending from the refineries of Teesside on the East coast, all the way around to Cross Fell in Cumbria to the West, a good 50 miles or more, WOW.  A couple of hundred feet up in open moorland can make a big difference to temperatures; a cool breeze gently blew across the open space, providing Minx with some welcome respite from the heat.

Heat makes Geeze horny, and both of us adore outdoor sex, though rarely get to enjoy it, due to our activities in the ‘oldest profession’.

We discovered a patch of rough grass, felt to see if it was dry, and sat down, Minx legs apart, Geeze with a 'semi' and in need of attention. Minx obliged with gentle rubbing while Geeze took out a pair of binoculars for viewing the terrain….and anything else that might be out there. These binoculars are a bit special, in that the strap has been used on more than one occasion to stimulate Minx to the point of squirting. Most men seem to think that rough fingering is the way to get a woman off, for that is what they invariably do when they meet us, before Minx tells them otherwise. A gentle touch is the way to go and the light strap trailed across her erogenous areas does the trick every time. People spend fortunes on sex toys, yet if you look around at some of the most prosaic of everyday objects, you’d be surprised how many of them can be used to induce sexual pleasure.

It wasn’t long before Geeze’s trousers were around his ankles and we were side by side, legs entwined. Minx gently masturbated Geeze, while he stimulated pussy with the binocular strap while all the time keeping an eye out for passers-by.  We both love that kind of scenario, with the risk of being caught literally with our pants down adding to the tension and excitement, in turn building up the orgasm. In truth there was little chance of anyone being around…this was remote and wide open space, affording us a good view in all directions. The wind had picked up a bit, but it was still ‘oh so pleasant’, the only sound being the squawking of grouse and the skylark’s song.  Occasionally the harmony was interrupted by the piercing sound of passing motorcyclists, pitting themselves, their lives and their machines against the winding Pennine roads, in the name of fun, as they too sought a rush, and an escape from everyday mediocrity. Fair-play to them….in the Derbyshire Peak District these thrill seekers have been forced off the road by the nanny state and police surveillance helicopters, here though in the North Pennines at least, the area remains sparsely populated and off the beaten track.  Enjoy it while it lasts we say 🙂 . Minx & I like a bit of bike racing, whether it be the TT on the Isle of Man or the behemoths at Image of Top Fuel Bike at Santa PodSanta Pod with their nitro burning V8 engines. The motorcycle road racers are an inspiration and a thrill to watch and it was heartening to see Jonathan Rea as runner –up in the BBC sports person of the year 2017; One particular Pennine biker caught our attention though; Clearly faster than ones that had gone before him, we both listened and counted as he (or she perhaps) went up through 7 gears and back down again…we were so tuned in to the sound that we missed the approach of a Range Rover until it was right there, literally in our face, and too late to cover up and act all coy & innocent.  One’s worst nightmare, which didn’t get any better once Geeze had identified who was behind the wheel, yep you guessed it, your quintessential toff, resplendent in tweed jacket, matching waistcoat, plum jumper, check shirt & tie…for Geeze this was going to be A PROBLEM. Having little time for ‘born to rule’ types usually living off Daddy’s inheritance, and with little clue as to what constitutes ‘an honest day’s work’, Geeze quickly realised this was a situation for Minx to deal with. (Before you denounce me for my prejudice, I can tell you that our own small family is a microcosm of 21st Century British Society…we have one family identical to our Range Rover toff, two lots of ex public sector people on fat pensions retired in late 50’s, we’ve got family members on living and/or minimum wage doing 4 jobs to make ends meet, we have self-employed, we have family married to immigrants, we have professional couples owning two houses, and all of them identify with different shades of politics, so we feel well qualified to pass judgment) The guy had ‘confrontation’ written all over his face. Have you noticed how their kind always have that smug ‘look’, that ‘I’m better than you’ kinda stance? It stems from generations of family, born into similar lives. Mind you, sex is a great leveller…there have been times when such people have favoured us with their custom and there’s nothing like getting people in the raw, pushing their limits, and bringing down the façade. Right now though out here in the middle of nowhere, things looked a bit different.

‘I say…you do realise you’re on Private Property don’t you’ he blustered from the open window of his 4x4, but Minx had him sussed. Quickly rising, she turned on the charm…. ‘Hello’ she beamed ‘you’ll have to forgive me….I’d forgotten, you see I’m a Scot….have you ever been there?’ she enquired. Toff allowed himself a wry smile, it looked like the soft Borders accent had touched him in some way. Indeed, it was entirely possible that his lands might well extend as far as the Border, since we weren’t a million miles away from Kielder Forest. ‘Well Yes, as a matter of fact I have, I have family there….’ before swiftly regaining his composure, ‘ but you shouldn’t be here, you’re on Private Property, you’re trespassing!’

By now, Minx was up against the driver’s door, hands resting against the top of the lowered window, legs slightly apart, looking in and maintaining direct eye contact with our squire… ‘you see, as I started to say before….in Scotland we have the right to roam, I’m entirely to blame, I’d forgotten things are different here in England….I DO apologise, what’s your name by the way?’

‘James’ he replied in a more conciliatory tone ‘It’s alright, just don’t light any fires or disturb  the wildlife…..I’ve been watching you two…you were down the paddock a half hour back weren’t you?’

‘Don’t know, we may have been’, replied Minx. On the passenger side of the Rover sat a sporting ‘scope’ the kind hunters and stalkers use to spot game…..Minx wondered whether he’d been watching from afar…it dawned on her that this 4x4 looked remarkably similar to the one we had spied in the distance from the paddock…..

Sexy people often pick up on signals from others who might be ‘up for it’. We meet a lot of men who know nothing about these things and little about sex.  Once in a while we come across total strangers we hit it off with right from the start. In real life, these sexy people are all around us…once you know what you’re looking for. It’s about body language, a look, a single word in a sentence, a mannerism…all clues & signals familiar to kinksters…these people are up for it if you’re confident and brave enough to act on the hunch and initiate….Minx is rather good at it. Putting two and two together she knew this guy was a voyeur and turned on by what he’d seen; there was a sporting chance he’d actually come over not to chastise us, but for sex…out of the corner of her eye she saw his legs part slightly, revealing what looked suspiciously like the makings of a bulge down below; a hand with fingers together & thumb outstretched lay suggestively upon his left thigh….an additional clue… Dropping her head down to his level she asked ‘you know what I really think?’ before continuing, lowering her tone to whisper in his ear  ‘I think you’re a dirty little spoiled brat and a voyeur who gets off on watching am I right?’  James's faced turned crimson, Minx had clearly laid bare the man’s intentions, ‘Geeze!’ she shouted, ‘come over here a minute’

Geeze who was by now decent and buttoned back up, strode over as Minx turned to exclaim ‘what we have here Geeze is one dirty little voyeur’ before looking back ‘isn’t that right James?’

‘Awe so you like to watch other people having sex do you?’ inquired Geeze, ‘ You some kinda cuck or something?’

‘Well….yes and no….errr….well a bit…yes….my wife’s not really interested any more…..She’s got a job in the City, she does her own thing, and and and ...and I’m left up here to manage the estate’ he stammered

Minx and I like a bit of fun and flirting with strangers. (You have read the time we seduced an exhibitionist on a Scottish nudist beach haven’t you guys?)

‘So why don’t you step out of the car and the comfort zone Mister James and watch us up real close and personal?’  Without giving him a chance to consider the proposition, she wrenched open the Rover's door, grabbed him by the hand and frogmatched him towards the back of the 4x4… ‘Open it’ Minx barked, gesticulating towards the car’s hatch; James obliged, the rear window opened up the way, the tailgate dropped down, providing Minx with a handy seat…beating the palm of her hand on the gate, she motioned James to join her at her side, then, reached over to massage the area of his crotch with one hand, while sliding the other up the inside of the back of his jacket…  ‘Take it off’ she ordered him, ‘and the waistcoat’. To his credit, James responded without hesitation, clearly he was craving attention; this was just what he wanted. Clothes came off, and in a few minutes he was down to just trousers and boots…green Hunters. Minx wasted no time unbuttoning him, revealing satin boxer shorts, with a smallish semi-hard penis just visible through the open fly….the man had balls at least…metaphorically speaking and for real…a good sized pair, shaven smooth and silky, hot to the touch too…James was clearly aroused. Geeze by now had removed his own jeans and couldn’t help noticing James staring at his thong…a skimpy little black garment from MANSTORE incorporating a silver ring giving an appearance similar to a glans ring. The whole scenario was a big turn on for Geeze. Minx loves the sight of the thong's string riding tight up and in between the cheeks of his ass, and told James as much….the pair looked on as Geeze arched his body, showing off his pert bottom, turned on even more by the heat of the sun against skin and the cool breeze blowing over thighs….  ‘Can I watch you fuck?’ spluttered James, adding ‘and can I clean you up afterwards’ almost as an afterthought, his voice now quaking from a mixture of fear, excitement and emotion…

‘So you are a cuck then James…you know what cucks have to do? They have to get the bull hard…so get me hard NOW, go on, come and do it NOW…’Geeze took hold of James’s trembling hand and placed it on his cock, while Minx guided his other hand towards her hairy MILF’s cunt, the three of us now seated on the tailgate, James in the middle, Minx to his right, Geeze on his left. James told us he’d never touched a cock before but admitted to wanting to…something he’d wished for, for decades but not dared to until this point in time. His community was tight knit, it wasn’t easy to turn fantasy into reality….for a good chunk of his life he confessed he thought fantasies should remain fantasies, but this was the here and now, this was a dream coming true…for him anyway…to us, it was a bit of fun, watching this man, the toff from a few minutes before, squirm, relax a little, and then begin to embrace the experience. Geeze reassured James, telling him to cast his inhibitions to one side, and to enjoy the play…We both get a lot of satisfaction from giving others the experience they truly desire and implore them not to hold back, to just go with the flow. James’s own cock was beginning  to rise to the occasion, a grower for sure…soon reaching a good 6 inches and very veiny….‘You ever seen squirt James?’ Minx asked….James shook his head, ‘Lick me then’ summoning James to kneel on the ground between her thighs as she remained seated on the tailgate. James obeyed, and Geeze moved closer sucking on Minx’s tits while pushing his cock closer to her cunt and the attentions of James. Geeze hoped James would perform oral on him too in between licking Minx…. A hand held firmly against the back of James’s head drew him in closer to pussy. Minx moaned with pleasure, it was a hot day for sure, and the air became heavier still from the scent of her sex….like a drug, not overpowering, but enough to arouse the two men still further. A little manipulation got James’s mouth closer to cock as Geeze pressed it against Minx’s clitotal area, ‘Go on…suck it’ he told James, who did as he was told, first licking the glans, then taking the tip all the way into his mouth for a few glorious seconds.

Next, he smothered it with his saliva, licking up, down and around the shaft, before grabbing the bull by the horns & sucking deep on Geeze’s penis to the point of gagging...

the moment he came back up for air, Minx forced him back down onto her pussy. Geeze responded too, turning his attention back on to his woman….Minx needed fucking, she was crying out with pleasure…The tip of Geeze’s cock in tandem with James’ tongue was all the stimulation she needed to squirt. A good gush aimed fair and square at James’s snobby face introduced him to the art of female ejaculation, and a signal for full penetration to commence. Geeze pushed James to one side, grabbing hold of Minx’s thighs and dragging her bodily to the very edge of the tailgate, which fortunately fell just the right height to allow for easy entry…Geeze’s strong hands found her bottom, parting her butt slightly while pushing her legs wide open with his elbows, her feet now on his shoulders, then it was in slow and deep….and smooth, and wet…  ‘You go under James…yeah there…down there, and lick us while we fuck…we’ll tell when you hit the spot…you OK with that?’ James sank to the ground, ending up half sitting and half kneeling, one hand grasping the rear bumper for balance as he jockeyed for position to savour our juices as we fucked hard over and above him. There wasn’t a condom in sight, we’re a long term engaged couple and James wasn’t invited to fuck, so juices ran free, it was incredibly hot and sticky, Geeze sweated profusely and got VERY red in the face, his sweat pouring forth on to the pair below; Experienced with the cuck scenario, Geeze wanted to make it easy for both James and Minx so pre-warned them he was about to cum, letting go with an almighty gasp deep inside his partner, while simultaneously withdrawing, filling her pussy but saving some too to deposit over her labia and pubic hair….James was wanting to clean up, we still strived to deliver even though this was just for fun…With Geeze on the point of collapse from the sheer exertion of it all, James moved in, tongue out, licking firstly Minx’s thighs, then moving up to her pussy, cleaning her fair pubic hair and finishing off by burying his tongue deep in her cunt, emerging seconds later with chin, lips and nose glistening with cum; in an instant the three of us rose up almost as one, and shared a three-way kiss and tongue lick, the unmistakable taste of cum adding to the thrill, the sexperience, the filthy lust, whatever you like to call it. You’ve been there I’m sure, & you’ll know what I mean.

James was still masturbating, and starting to giggle. Clearly, this had been a dream come true, ‘Thanks guys, awe fuck, that was fantastic, ohhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhh!’ He focused his mind and wanked harder for a couple more minutes while we watched. Suddenly his face creased & contorted as he approached climax, and then it relaxed once more as a dribble of semen oozed from his cock, followed by a brief squirt, then yet another generous dribble; Geeze rubbed his thumb and index finger in it, offering it up for James to lick…another first for him....tasting his own seed; prising his mouth open, Geeze stuck his cum covered finger in hard behind the toff's lower front teeth, pulling his head bodily forward in the process…  Fixating on James’s eyes he leaned towards him while barely murmuring Was that OK for you Squire?’ Geeze didn’t wait for an answer, the look said it all. Clothes went back on, along with the mask, the toff’s facade…. ‘Must be off chaps…take care’ ...any complements or further niceties cut short by his carphone which chimed loud, demanding his immediate attention. We could hear a snooty female on the other end reminding him about a meeting.  OMG. A meeting?  Ha-Ha!  The big V8 diesel fired into life. Electric windows glided smoothly to a close, the car’s air conditioning compressor kicked in as he reversed slowly and carefully back towards the lane…we couldn’t see much of him through tinted glass but waved anyway as the voice on the other end of the telephone diminished in volume, then got drowned out completely as our Squire hit the tarmac and sped away… Who will be next we wonder?

Merry Christmas every-one, and look out for some great VALENTINES DAY DEALS coming very soon to FUN-FIVE-0. We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity.

© fun50couple 2017