Chair 3 with TEXTDEC '16





Greetings Sexy Friends! We’re a day late with this ish…apologies! It’s been a rollercoaster month with extreme highs and extreme lows, which tbh is about normal for an Escort Couple I have to say; it’s definitely NOT a job for the faint of heart. Our move earlier in the year back to our home in the North East has thrown up new challenges. On the plus side we are back in mainstream Britain with London just about ‘do-able’ in a day which is great news. On the MINUS side though the potential customer base in the North East is smaller than Scotland, and people have a ‘everything has to be cheaper than chips’ mentality ‘because it’s the NorthEast’ wey aye, man’. tynesideThere’s about a million and a half folk living close-by to us here in Durham, whereas in Scotland we were pitching to around 4 million because 47% of Scotland lives in Glasgow, with another 20% in the Central Belt. Having moved around the UK all my life and lived in most major areas, I find it fascinating how communities differ quite markedly in the space of a hundred miles or so…far less in some areas. You’ve just got to look at the different accents as an example…they can vary in just 20 miles, with some dialects unique to just a single town…Barnsley being a good example. I’m often able to pinpoint some-one’s place of origin by their accent within minutes of meeting them. And of course, it’s not all about the accents…the culture varies too. People in the North East are VERY DIFFERENT to those North of the Border, just 60 miles up the road! When one moves a business of any kind even a short distance, it’s always wise to bear these things in mind, and it was something we pondered over for years before re-locating. The banking crisis and mass immigration have not been kind to a good wodge of the population us included, particularly older GenX’ers many of whom are trapped in homes in places they no longer want to be…because they are unable to get mortgages. We always knew the North East was like a half- way house…where we really need to be is another couple of hundred miles down the road, or back up in Scotland. These are NOT easy times for any-one, and it’s a time where the Winners are likely to be those who can adapt circumstances to their advantage by thinking on their feet and ‘reading the street’, something we are reasonably good at. Let me tell you younger guys that that is one of the only advantages of age….as time passes, you realise that things you thought years ago but didn’t implement, sometimes through nothing more than a lack of self-confidence, turn out often to be things ‘you should have done’….the moral of the story is NOT to make the same mistake twice. So when business was flat around a couple of weeks ago we took ourselves off to Scotland. Prior to that Minx had been unwell, so it was a good ‘pick me up’ with VERY brisk trade North of the Border and some wonderful meets…most of them long ones, and all of them old regulars, with not a single new client. We couldn’t have easily fitted any-one else in anyway,  but it just goes to show how valuable it is to look after one’s customers so they come back for more and help to carry you through the lean times. It seems that the folk in the North East go overboard on Christmas spending, unlike Scotland, so business for us is still very slow. For that reason we’re off to London next week where we’ll no doubt see more regulars, rock and roll.


Most of you will know we spent time in the capital learning new BDSM skills…well, that was the intention, and that’s what we shelled out a hefty wedge for…only to be disappointed and manipulated by a dominatrix who ‘we won’t be going back to in a hurry’.  P1090465We didn’t get what we paid for, but then hey, what’s new? This is GREAT BRITAIN after all; the land of the fast buck, short term thinking, and GREED. We are taking our business elsewhere and expect to have more training completed in January. The BDSM world like the swinger community is cliquey, and we’ve been told of a sharp North South divide…something we’re experiencing…there’s a perception amongst some Masters and Doms that the southern practitioners are ‘up themselves’ and hype everything up, believing their own BS, whereas the northerners are more down to earth and just get on with it….There could be some truth in that; our nation has always been split and appears increasingly so in many walks of life. Stay tuned for how we get through it. Moving on....For 6 months after our move in May we had no TV, yeah you read that correct NO TELEVISION, well, not one that worked anyway. Why? Because in Scotland we were on cable, and here we needed a set top box or to connect to the SKY dish…we’ve been so busy we haven’t really missed it, but with the onset of the dark nights, we splashed out on a new Smart telly. We’re not great telly addicts (YOU-TUBE is great though now we have the smart technology) however, some programmes we are drawn to, ‘The Apprentice’ being one of them. Tbh, this year, we only caught the last episode (11), probably a good job, because you’ll know that a lot of the series is cringe worthy…nevertheless his Lordship AKA SUGAR is always entertaining, and a bloke to admire. Last night’s show whittled the contestants down to just two…my money is on the Alana girl winning, we shall see. It’s very interesting to see Sugar interacting with the young ones, and even more interesting to see how he favours good old fashioned methods of business development but successfully manages to mix them with the new. Some of you will have seen a re-tweet from the Telegraph I posted which cheered me up no end when combined with what I’ve seen on The Apprentice over the years. I quote the paper here, talking about Jessica Cunningham:

her proposed business was depressingly modern: paying reality TV types, “vloggers" and “influencers” to wear her clothes, then plug them on social media. Everything that's wrong with the 21st century in a naff nutshell’.

This comment has struck a nerve. And I’m thankful for it. Why? Because I have been studying and mentored by several ‘internet entrepreneurs’ over the last 2 years and fed the line that ‘if you can’t get your head round social media then get out of business altogether’. I privately have had my doubts about this; however, I know several folk who have become millionaires on the back of this new wave. Yes, Jessica apparently, had proved to be wonderfully adept at manipulating folk through social media and racked up impressive figures, yet NO PROFIT! So what’s the point? We’ve been on Twitter now for 18 months and now have nearly a couple of thousand followers. Yet not one has met us! Despite many of them proclaiming that they ‘wished we lived closer’, or ‘they wish they had the time’ etc etc….In Britain today anyone can get anywhere over a weekend in next to no time….many of these people are dreamers and window shoppers! Nothing more! And here’s another shocking statistic for you: you’ll be wondering who the winner is of our sextoy competition? Answer: no-one has entered!!!! A genuine easy fun competition with some wonderful sextoys up for grabs, sat here boxed and waiting! n10255-fsog-darker-kinky-fuckery-kinky-couples-kit-14The same thing happened last Christmas when we gave away a free flying lesson...the person who won it couldn’t be bothered to take it!!! The moral of this story is we’ve spent hundreds of hours chasing social media, starting ‘conversations’, and YES it’s fun, and YES we like talking to folk, BUT we’ve a living to make. We’ve sold sextoys in the past and our FUN-FIVE-0 store is a new venture with the site going live only around 3 months ago. We’re braced for a very long haul, a 10 year haul; it’s like anything in life, if it’s easy come, then it’s usually not sustainable and it ends up ‘easy go’. We shall stick at FUN-FIVE-0 relentlessly because we KNOW we can be better than most at the sextoy biz, but success will come only from hard work, and traditional methods mixed with the new, there’s no magic bullet.(no pun intended). We’ll extend the #sextoy competition till December 24th for you, OK?


This month’s screw is not one but 5, all in Scotland…thanks guys, we love YOU! 🙂  Oh sorry, one was in Carlisle on the way up, but a Scot nevertheless. All the meetings were FULL-ON mmf threesomes WOW. Why so good? Because they were all regulars we’ve seen many times before, one of them I think is now his eighth time. (And none of them btw on social Media of any kind) You may wonder what it’s like to see guys over and over, well, the short answer is that it gets better and better every time to the point where you don’t see them as clients but more as true friends. We know a lot about each other...there’s deep trust on their part; it’s surprising the details many of them freely divulge; we get a very good picture of their home and work lives, but these people know we are discreet and that information stays with us and goes no further. Ages of the guys ranged from 55 to 73. I’m guessing some of you younger subscribers will be turned off…well don’t be, because the 73 year old is horny as fuck, can cum 2-3 times during a 90 minute meeting, has a seriously impressive cock, AND by all accounts a good sex life at home…he just needs a bit more variety, hence his visits to us. In passing, we recently saw an ex pro footballer in his eighties, with a body of a 45 year old, I kid you not, and it was his first visit to an escort of any kind! That’s what makes our work so interesting…the diversity of the clients; it’s not just about sex. The 73 year old we’ll call ‘Ray’. Ray used to visit us in when we lived in Scotland; he’s orally bi but not overly so, preferring to play with Minx’s pussy and ass….he’s quite a voyeur. We don’t like voyeurs too much, well not the kind that wanna come and just watch, wank and say nothing, but voyeurs with plenty of input are more than OK,  and that’s what Ray is like. We also don’t mind voyeurs out in public when we’re fucking or playing in the car, it’s only happened a few times, but it’s exciting when they creep closer and closer but that’s another story.

Ray likes to watch us fuck, right up close and personal, before joining in, licking and cleaning,

then getting himself off with encouragement and help from Minx. These prolonged meets are best, because the pressure builds and builds and some of them have HUGE orgasms, we have to brace ourselves because when we’re on tour obviously we’re in hotels, and sometimes these guys cry out during sustained climax….I read recently that the average man cums for 6 seconds, a woman for 23. I can tell you that some of these guys go on for a half minute, as I do myself when really sexed up; Not had that happen to you yet? Don’t worry, keep practising, keep building, keep edging, and then let go. Ray admits that some days he’ll wank for hours to porn. I believe him. The old saying ‘if you don’t use it you lose it’ holds true when it comes to SEX for sure. So Ray left a very happy man. Previous visits he had been very demanding but this time was different. Often we get guys who see us a couple of times then go somewhere else, then come back….Ray knows we’re up there with the best….sometimes they’ll wander because they maybe didn’t get everything they were looking for in the first meet or two but as time goes by, over subsequent meets, they’ll usually get everything from us. We are HUMAN, we are not machines and we put our heart into this job…some escorts boast they’re slutty and they’ll do everything on the list like CIM, DP all the heavier stuff and think they’re acing it, but in truth they merely ‘go through the motions’. The sensuality isn’t there. The connection isn’t there. They’re maybe not even a true couple, merely a couple of independent escorts who get together for the sake of work. And it shows. So the client doesn’t go back. I’m often struck by the increase in tempo from a client when me n Minx get close 'n sexy in front of them. They’ll often be stimulated to the extreme, but not quite there, especially if it’s a second or third cum, so me n Minx will start deep kissing or something equally erotic; this invariably does the trick and takes the client over the top to completion. We see that as an essential part of our job….to deliver a mind-blowing experience…so when are YOU coming to see us for a meet like that? 🙂 MERRY CHRISTMAS 🙂 PS: the other 4 meetings? Too good to share, SORRY!

We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….You subscribe to our newsletter 'NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS' and to find out what it’s really like to be an EscortCouple, We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx

PS: Next issue will be a Boxing Day Special: I think I'm going to make it a Fun50couple-SCREW XXX short story, something you can lose yourself in while escaping from the relatives and other Xmas tedium 🙂 and hopefully we'll be able to announce the Winner of Nov(2) competition!

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity

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