Hi Sexy Friends! It's the middle of July and apart from a day on Teesside and a couple of hot days in SWANSEA, we've not seen much Summer, yet. There's no doubt that the southern half of our country enjoys a significantly better climate, so we're looking forward to sunnier times during upcoming tours to LONDON, Southampton, and Poole in Dorset. Global warming? Yes please! 🙂 

Our recent tour to Wales was a success with bookings in Swansea, Cardiff and Carmarthen; clients ranged in age from late thirties to mid seventies. Meetings were varied in nature,  from a hard & rough MMF in Cardiff, to a long all evening job at a luxury home in the hills...the latter guy a widower looking for intelligent company and conversation with a sexy MFM in between, a dream client, and some-one we hope to see again. Talking of clients who we 'want to see again' there are few, it has to be said, from our current Home Area AKA the North East. There's a consensus in business circles that if there's not many people doing something then there's usually a good reason, and it's something we've been pondering over this past year. In the North East there are only around 24 working escort couples; all part time amateurs  apart from ourselves, whereas across the Pennines in the North West there are 160+. Why is this?  Undoubtedly the Manchester area is more Bohemian and has a sizeable gay community...always a driver for things sexual. There's more money around for sure, AND it's cosmopolitan and liberal in attitude compared to County Durham, where traditional 'values' and Christian beliefs still hold strong. An area in decline clinging to a mentality that 'everything has to be cheap as chips because it's the North East pet' ...doesn't bode well for a Professional Escort Couple accustomed to dealing with well heeled 'quality clients'. In business one has to give the customers what THEY want in order to thrive, and around these parts 'THEY' in the majority, want CHEAP AS CHIPS. Our closest rival in Durham advertises multiple 30 minute slots over 4 hour periods on weekends at £60 a time, and will see anybody from 18-70;  so they're seeing 6 guys or more one after the other over a 4 hour period. Whatever happened to ' a sensual erotic experience', or 'clean bed linen & a high standard of grooming'....and how can her man deliver 6 credible performances at age 60+ within 4 hours??? It's the 'alternative business model' of course....otherwise known as 'Pile it high and sell it cheap', and NOT our style. For that reason we are moving our core effort to LONDON while keeping a home up here in the sticks for the time being, as a 'bolt hole'. We've 'done the numbers', and they show the bulk of our clients are patrons from outside the area, places like Scotland, Cumbria and Southern England.  There's increasing evidence too that the country's back in recession, with more hard times coming; when one gets a bit older, one realizes that it's better to take notice of these trends and ACT, rather than become a victim to them....we've been there before, and got the t-shirts 🙁  On a lighter note...we've had a ton of interest from Londoners, and we look forward to the challenges ahead; these include accelerated development of https://www.fun-five-o.com/ and furthering our skills and knowledge of BDSM. We shall continue to tour, and to see clients in the North East when we are back home on R&R. Details of where we are, and when, can be found on the http://fun50couple.com/blog page, updated weekly.


Its been PRIDE month, and though not an activist in the truest sense of the word, Geeze does follow the scene to a degree, through social media, Google Alerts and the trade press. Another area of interest is sextoys,  MEN'S SEXTOYS in particular.  As a bisexual escort couple and sextoy retailer, it makes sense to keep up to date with news surrounding these two subjects. Jem Collins commenting for the Independent wrote 'Biphobia made me feel excluded at Pride, the one place where I should feel at home'...and...'Even Pride in London itself momentarily forgot bisexuals exist this year, with not a single bi-only group on the original parade line-up'. Talking of sextoys, 'Girl on the Net' came up with an article entitled 'Sex toys for men: wading through the bullshit' ( heehee, just imagine that...yuk 🙂 ) Maybe we should take this latter article with a wee pinch of salt, because from where I'm standing, the author looks to be 'on the make' via sponsorship from manufacturers supporting her blog...NEVERTHELESS, search Google for either of these subjects you'll see the same old crap, in the form of tales about biphobia and stigma surrounding the use of sextoys by men, repeated over and over, spanning a decade or more.

YES, we've seen significant progress over recent years regarding sexual liberation but these two stories stubbornly refuse to die, thanks to a mainly hostile public, more's the pity.

I was prompted to tweet to Jem Collins that 'the one place she should feel at home' would probably be just that...at home with her significant other, and two fingers to the pious Priders ...as she says herself 'Bi and pensexuals are just as much entitled to their sexuality as anyone else, and shouldn't have to live their lives hiding...changing societal stigma will always take time, but it will take an eternity if the LGBT community itself is fueling the prejudices it claims to rally against'.  Can you see, dear Reader, how this all interconnects with us? FUN-FIVE-0 was started with the idea of developing a brand targeting the demographic we know best....'mature sexually liberated men' and/or his 'sex positive partner, usually female' and more specifically 'bi-curious and/or bisexual'. Around 67% of swingers are reckoned to be bisexual....at least they are, in the main, out of the closet. Four times as many people are reckoned to be bi as those who identify as gay, THAT's a HELLUVA BIG NUMBER, but for the reasons mentioned above, the majority choose (men more so) to remain hidden. Add to that the fact that very few guys over 40 use social media, with most reluctant to buy adult products online....and you can see we've got BIG PROBLEMS in the sextoy marketing department. We're not ones for giving up easily though! The Autumn should see us opening a new E-BAY store...we're not really ones for E-BAY, but it's like the escorting....we need to be where the others are, and not just in places on our own; if it's good enough for the sextoy GIANTS its good enough for us. We learnt long ago that success in adult retail comes from selling lots of seemingly insignificant little orders in lots of places to lots of people, 24/7, and making sure they come back for more...again, easier said than done. But then if it was EASY, everybody would be doing it! Our decision to devote more time to working in London is part of this equation; stay tuned and we'll tell you more about how and why over the coming months.


For this month’s meet we’re going Electro. We got a call from a guy in Cumbria, we’ll call him Eric. Eric is a retired civil servant, married, around 5’5” tall, wiry, hairy and blind as a bat without glasses. Though now retired he still has the manner of a senior professional with a ton of responsibility, and it’s quite probably the reason why he’s into being dominated. Some men with a lot of authority in real life seek comfort occasionally through freeing their mind of the responsibility, How? By being submissive in bed. They may even feel ashamed in themselves about their ‘need’ so they’ll look for an open-minded partner to open up to, commonly a dominatrix or a dominant couple even, like us, especially if they have bi-sexual tendencies. (Those desires too, can also be a form of submission and release for many men)  Eric had seen us once before and enjoyed a session involving prolonged tie n tease while blindfolded and restrained. A man of few words, I remembered him to be particularly turned on by the rich smell of leather from the eye mask, and keen to suck cock while Minx worked her magic on other parts of his body.  This time he’d noticed we were advertising E-stim, and called us for a session.

Electrosex is fairly NEW to us but we’ve done a lot of research, invested in high end kit, and learnt how to use it.

To be honest, it’s work in progress…e-stim is a complex scene with a bewildering choice of electrodes to try out, and of course everybody reacts to it in different ways, there’s no set format. That’s why it’s regarded as an ‘art’…its been around for years, starting out as a device to relieve pain by the use of electrical current to stimulate the nerves. Fifteen years or so ago, the adult trade got hold of the technology and tweaked it to reach new levels of intensity for the purpose of sexual pleasure. There’s a fine line as we all know between pain and pleasure, and its an area many submissives are drawn to. Eric is a highly organised chap, planning his meets around family commitments with military precision, so he was bang on time, and freshly showered. Subs are often like this. It starts with their initial contact message. In our early days of escorting, we dismissed rambling introductory emails several pages long as a pain in the ass, before we began to understand them for what they were. Now we can spot a sub a mile off, just from his message; sometimes even, the sub himself doesn’t actually know he's a sub, though we do!

Such messages are meticulously crafted, free of any errors grammatical or typo, and go into fine detail about every conceivable aspect of a proposed meet.

After polite preliminaries, Eric followed Minx to the sexroom and got comfy on the bed. We don’t have a dungeon, yet….it’s something we’ve talked about for years.  I remember folk saying we were bonkers a decade  ago when we started to sound them out over plans to build one; recent mentoring sessions with London dominatrices have proved we were indeed correct in our assumptions regarding the needs of an emerging BDSM market. The moral of the story is that if you’re a little bit ‘different’ to the mainstream, then seek out people who are similar to YOU, and associate with them, rather than soldiering on keeping one’s thoughts to yourself! The internet has made life so much easier in that respect. So for now, the ‘sexroom’ as we call it, is evolving and becoming more hard core, with a steadily increasing collection of equipment. We have to tread carefully, because some ordinary ‘punters’ can become spooked, if they see too much professional equipment.

We've even picked up on some prospective new clients shying away from contacting us because they wrongly interpret the word 'Professional' to mean 'intimidating'. Nothing could be further from the truth!

It just means we take our work seriously and take care to dot the i's and cross the t's! Anyway, our Eric though was raring to go, and asked to be blindfolded from the start, and to be tightly restrained. We do have proper bondage ropes but, for ease and speed, we frequently use under bed straps secured with Velcro; in no time at all, Eric was bound, and given a safe word. Remember guys…always keep it safe and consensual!  Minx started teasing with silk scarves everywhere and anywhere but his private parts…we knew his nipples were hyper sensitive, and got the suckers on, simple bits of kit, but highly effective if you can get them sealed good against the skin. Even though Eric is hairy with smallish nipples, a little lube did the trick. A hard squeeze on each sucker expelled the air to produce a powerful suction, enabling Geeze to draw both nipples upward and away from the body by a good inch or so, and hold them there, to Eric’s obvious satisfaction. After a while he turned his head to one side, pursing his lips, indicating it was time for a taste of cock. Geeze obliged, first using his index finger in Eric’s wide open mouth, pulling Eric’s whole head forward from pressure applied to the back of his lower front teeth, then moving on to gently fuck Eric’s mouth with his cock, while pulling on his hair hard, the intensity of the fucking gradually increasing to the point of full penetration and gagging.

If you’ve ever been there yourself then you’ll know it’s a feeling that can only be described as downright dirty...and intensely erotic.

Not surprisingly, Eric’s cock was now impressively SOLID, balls swollen and leathery in appearance, a cue for Minx to up the sensory play…she started trailing a pinwheel over Eric’s whole body, the moans, ‘Oohs!’ and ‘Ahh’s!’ from Eric helping her to focus attention on his most sensitive areas, prompting Geeze to reach for a second Wartenberg wheel. Wartenburg what?? Wartenberg was an American neurologist originally from Belarus. He worked with many eminent physicians and brain experts before moving to the US after being persecuted by the Nazis. He designed he pinwheel to test for nervous reactions (sensitivity) as it rolled across the skin. Nowadays it is almost exclusively used by the BDSM fraternity for sensory play, having been ditched by the medical brigade over hygiene concerns. The second wheel was top of the range, a double wheel, sheathed in insulation, why? Because it’s a bipolar unit designed for electrical play, but for now, Geeze used it without any power box, in the same way as Minx with her single wheel. This second wheel is particularly sharp, and caused Eric to wince slightly as it ran across his ballsack, snagging against the crinkled skin forced out by the veins pumping blood into his hard twitching cock. This was clearly a new experience for Eric, and enjoyable for us to deliver. It was time to increase the tempo still further; Geeze passed the second wheel to minx, then attached a pair of electro-conductive pads one to Eric’s cock, the other to his balls. The pads are connected by wires to a power box; the unit we were using was the latest from E-stim, called ElectroPebble, and initially the power is off and set to LOW. The advantage of the blindfold of course if that the sub never sees what’s going on, allowing us to twiddle knobs and even put our glasses on for fine detail, (sorry yes, we are THAT old lol) and not spoil or interrupt the scene. ElectroPebble has very fine control and it was easy to stimulate and edge Eric to the point of intense pleasure, without pain, except for an occasional quick burst to keep him interested and honest. ElectroPebble is a dual channel unit, which means you can run two electrodes. ‘Electrode’ sounds dramatic, it’s simply the tool you’re using at the time, connected to the power box, it can be a loop, a pad, a plug, bullet, all kinds, there are now hundreds of different types available. Eric had the pads on still, so Geeze connected the bipolar pinwheel.

Practise and experimentation with the kit over the weeks prior to the meet had proved to Geeze the unit’s potency, particularly the pinwheel on the scrotum area…exquisite.

And so it was for Eric. Initially we teased the nipples…before you tell me you shouldn’t play with electrosex above the waist, remember this was a bi-polar unit we were using, which means it’s safe; electricity’s lazy, and finds the easiest way between two points, in the case of a bipolar electrode it simply flows down one side, across and into the other, WITHOUT crossing any area of the body other than the narrow gap between the 2 electrodes; that gap, however, is just enough to produce an I>N>T>E>N>S>E sensation, to the point if makes you jump n writhe, a double edged sword if you like, you can hardly bear it, but yet you don’t want it to stop, that’s what E-stim is like….a bit like prostate massage…that bittersweet feeling you get when you hit the spot and then just come off it…you wanna  get right back on it….those thoughts must have been running through Eric’s mind too, because he asked for a plug. His ass was begging to be stimulated, no surprise there…the anus has more nerve endings responsive to stimulation than the average clitoris in a woman, no wonder it’s such a source of pleasure to sexually liberated men. NOW you can see where I was coming from in Fun50couple-VIEWS, casting the spotlight on the stigma surrounding male sextoys….if only 'Mr Straight & Ordinary' could banish those negative thoughts & inhibitions from his head…

...there’s a whole world of EXQUISITE PLEASURE right there…on tap…in YOUR body; Don't fight it...Embrace it! 

We have an array of plugs, but Geeze selected one known as a flange, another E-stim bi-polar electrode. It’s constructed from aircraft grade materials and comes with a luxurious satin finish, making insertion easy…Geeze gently gave Eric the full 4 inches, it just slipped in no problem, Eric clearly was ready for it, and no stranger to anal play. The flange has electrical contact points top and bottom, connected internally via holes in the bottom, allowing the current to flow between the head and the base in bipolar mode, stimulating the area in between. OR, you can just connect one and allow current to flow to a second electrode somewhere else, on the scrotum for example. Get it right and you can get current flowing from the flange, through the prostate gland to the penis….for the ULTIMATE orgasm, well, I must have come pretty close to delivering that HOLY GRAIL of male pleasure, Eric bucked and gyrated against the restraints, crying out for them to be removed…Geeze undid the Velcro, removed the blindfold while still tweaking the power box to Eric’s obvious delight, Minx twisted his left nipple hard, while I managed to suck hard on his other, and still operate the E-stim. Eric cried out again, so loud this time we were worried the street might hear,

We gagged his mouth with a hand as he jerked his foreskin sharply back one final time before an explosive climax…

It was a joy to behold….I knew only too well how he felt; one of those orgasms you don’t get too often. You vow, there and then, that every other orgasm you’re going to bring on is going to be just like that one, you know how to do it now!..but unfortunately life’s not like that….so SAVOUR the MOMENT!!! E-stim and prostate massage go well together….the sensations brought on by the flange are similar to those brought on by a P-massager, but without the movement or the ‘hit n miss’ unpredictability. BSDM and extreme sex is a never ending journey….fortunately…there’s ALWAYS another goal, another peak, another limit. I can never even begin to understand those folk who say sex is boring, Can You?  We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….You subscribe to our newsletter 'NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS' and to find out what it’s really like to be an EscortCouple, We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity

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