Chair 3 with TEXTMARCH '17 








Hello sexy Friends!  What a month its been and a difficult one too due to Minx’s op. Initial euphoria following the successful procedure quickly subsided as we began to realise that recuperation was going to take time. Full on MFM action has to wait, though we have been able to do a limited number of MMF meets, plus phone sex. Phone sex is a strange market and even more unpredictable and irrational than escorting. Some weeks its dead while other weeks it’s non-stop, with several calls one after another, and very horny they can be too.

Never tried it? The next time you feel alone and ferociously horny you know what to do…get comfy n dial.

We’ve been using the downtime to re-assess our DirectChat services but upgrading costs money, MUCHO MONEY.  So, expect to see Local rate numbers on our site soon to access dirty talk; no longer will you have to be an Adult Work member or have to dial a premium line with its associated hassles; instead, you’ll just call an ordinary number to pay for credits and a PIN to access our service. When Minx first got introduced to phone sex she didn’t really ‘get it’; the same can be said for many men who haven’t tried it; believe me, once you get into it and ‘live it’ it’s almost as good as the real thing. It’s a very satisfying experience to hear a guy getting off and cumming to explosive orgasm, a bit like escorting…what we get out of it is making people happy, and doing it better than most. It’s like everything else, it has to be treated as a business ‘service’ which MUST deliver the goods to the client AKA the horny guy on the end of the line. I watched documentaries about phone chat girls years ago who supposedly earnt a living talked dirty while doing the ironing/housework. Back in the day before web-camming took off, some folk did indeed make fortunes from DirectChat, but they weren’t the housewives; they were the few service providers who like us, LIVED IT BREATHED IT and really got into it for real; clients aren’t stupid, they can tell who’s authentic and who’s not, even down a phone-line. I’ve never understood people who rip others off for a one time gain, when, if it’s done right, you can have a customer call time and time again whether its for direct chat or escort service.  We have clients who have availed themselves of our services 15 or more times with no two occasions the same….that might sound difficult to some readers, but it’s not really, not when you really get into it and MIX IT together, mmmmmm. We’ve also kissed a lot of frogs 🙁 🙁 LOL


You’ll know that a lot of what we write about in News Views n Screws comes from personal experience however it’s not possible to keep churning out good blogs based on that source alone. It becomes necessary to cast the net wider, and to search for fresh content elsewhere, usually in the form of other people’s views and experiences of subjects close to our heart. This month I’ve been digging deeper into the whys and wherefores surrounding the use of sex toys by men. I’ve read numerous articles on the subject plus others written about the male G-spot as they call it AKA prostate. The beauty of researching on the internet is that you’re able to drill down deeper and deeper in your search for knowledge via the use of links. Find a page about male sextoys and you’ll end up reading more about prostate massage, then who said what and when, so you link to and learn about activists through Wikipedia, and then if you’re political like me and in tune with what’s going on in the world you begin thinking about how it all fits together like a jigsaw. How so? Take a look: this week has seen uproar over ‘legsit’ the controversy surrounding the Daily Mail’s front page showing Sturgeon and May in a meeting with the headline ‘Never mind Brexit, who won Legs-it!'. [sic] Why the fuss? The article by Sarah Vine focused on the prime minister’s and first minister’s legs instead of the more serious matter of a second Scottish referendum.

And that, my friends, in todays Britain is a most heinous crime; its SEXISM!!!

And in this case, an example so serious it raised hundreds of complaints to the regulator IPSO (Independent Press Standards Organisation). The Daily Mail hit back telling its critics to ‘get a life’. Sturgeon’s spokesperson responded with a statement saying (predictably) ‘Brexit may risk taking Britain back to the early 1970’s but there is no need for coverage of events to lead the way’. PM May’s response was altogether different: ‘If people want to have a bit of fun about how we dress then so be it’. And that’s the interesting bit, because it neatly highlights what’s going on in Britain and America right now, with both countries in turmoil, split down the middle on so many issues but mostly a battle between Left and Right, some put it more crudely and see it as a fight between liberals and bigots. The right wing has for now won the day and ‘their time has come’; they see their victory as a mandate to kick the lefties and their hard won conquests into touch. Feminism, political correctness, LBGTV rights, anti-race legislation, workers’ rights are all issues under fire right now, but Hey! What the hell’s this got to do with sextoys?? Well, as it happens, a whole lot. Take a look at this little clip from 2015.

Now cast your mind back to the 1990’s when Sex and the City caused uproar in some quarters with depictions of women masturbating and using sex toys. Since then, over several decades, women have become more empowered, more liberated. Men on the other hand haven’t, unless of course they’re gay. Gay life revolves around sexuality and identity.

For many women using a sextoy and masturbating is now seen as ‘the norm’ and an ‘essential part’ of a healthy sex life.

They know that sextoys help them to understand their own bodies, deeply so, allowing them to ENJOY sex and sexual feelings to the max, and to let go. They can be ‘themselves’ and not some-one they think they should be, conforming to ‘others’ AKA ‘society’s’ outdated Rules and expectations. I witnessed these deep differences between men and women for myself in the Noughties when I moved to the North and began selling sextoys in pubs and social clubs. As a very liberal person from the South I was shocked at the cultural differences between London and Leeds, just 200 miles apart. Yorkshire men saw sextoys as a threat to their manhood and had no time for them or for us selling them; Their loss. Today in 2017 things are a little better, but not much. Most men still conform to outdated and set ideas about ‘masculinity’…what it takes to be ‘manly’; they’re frightened to ‘explore’ or to ‘let go’ in the ways women do. Men worry that certain acts like, for example, P-massage, if made public, would have huge negative consequences for them; in short they don’t own their bodies like women do….they live in a body and mind of a person constructed for them by society and the media….so its vanilla sex and surreptitious masturbation for most. Over the years we’ve talked to hundreds of men about these matters and we know that that kind of limited sex life is 'the norm' for many; is it any wonder that so many relationships end up broken? What remains to be seen is how things will play out over the next decade. So many things right now are at a tipping point. They can go either way. Will we see men becoming more open about sex and pleasuring themselves? Or will we see the whole sex positive thing stall and buckle under pressure from right wing ‘holier than thous’ and the religious brigade? It’s already started in Japan and Italy, both societies becoming increasing sexless. Only time will tell what the outcome will be here in the UK.


This month we’ve only done a few meetings because of Minx in hospital. One was with a regular, around 3 ½ hours of full on MMF pleasure, other meetings were tamer, and mostly guys not particularly our cup of tea, but that’s just part of the job. They enjoyed themselves, that’s all that matters; we ‘endured’ them. If you hear an escort telling you every meeting’s a blast then it’s a lie, Life’s just not like that. Fun50couple-VIEWS this month focused on sex toys and the way women use them and men don’t. Enlightened couples know that sex toys are GOOD. Good for her and good for him, not because he may like one for himself, but because sextoys break down cultural barriers in a safe private setting and help us understand our bodies and our needs. But my friends, you don’t always need a sextoy OR for that matter a ‘safe private setting’!  Trust me. The recent balmy weather has got us excited…not too long now before we can get to the seaside…we’re both sun worshippers and beach bums. I thought you might like to hear about a time a couple of years back in Scotland. We visited Dumbarnie Beach near Lower Largo in Fife. Its on the Firth of Forth close to the open sea, the firth being about 13 miles across at that point. There are low dunes with seagrass, dropping down to a sand and shingle crescent of a beach washed by the clear chilly waters of the North Sea.

It wasn’t just the naked beauty of the place that drew us there; the beach was known as an ‘unofficial’ naturist beach.

What that means is that ‘Old Bill’ and ‘authority’ turn a ‘blind eye’ until it suits them otherwise. True to form, direct access to the place has now been blocked unless you want a 2 mile walk. Why? It’s all about VOTES and 'establishment' maintaining ‘control’ and proving a point.  A front page article in a weekly paper about dogging or a birdwatcher ‘startled’ to see a couple curled up close together naked on a deserted beach is all it takes, and that’s it, SHUT IT DOWN. Send the Police in on horseback, Oh and the helicopter too so they can look down into the dunes from afar before swooping and taking players by surprise blah blah blah B>O>R>I>N>G.  What fucking harm are we doing!!!?  Anyway this particular day it was red hot and a weekday. There’s some of those big concrete tank traps there from the war, most of them intact and great for sunbathing on, or to lie next to as a windbreak. They’re also ideal for making love on or against. Are you like us and get even hornier when the sun shines?  As a point of interest there’s a good many ships sail by close at this particular point on the coast so we usually take binoculars, also useful for spotting other nudists and/or the authorities or approaching textiles. (Clothed people that means btw). Geeze is a keen swimmer and likes nothing more than a cool dip, even occasionally in the depths of Winter; it’s quite exhilarating to dive and swim in the cold water naked then come out and dry off in the sun, and a rare luxury in Scotland. Minx put a towel round my shoulders and we sat close; she was in a white gypsy style dress and a boob tube, displaying plenty of cleavage; it wasn’t long before her tits were out for a little sun, and I was getting turned on and couldn’t resist running a hand up her thigh. ‘Not too quick’ she whispered and ‘be careful’. We’d been here before, often, on a beach, horny, one time we’d even fucked under a blanket in a hollow at a beachside carpark the other side of the Forth, no more than 40 feet from picnickers…TRUE. Minx likes a lot of foreplay; rough fingering and fucking does nothing for her, in common with many women it has to be said. She favours a light touch. What better than a stem of seagrass thought me, to tease her with?  I started to brush a stem of it against her thighs; Minx has very smooth fair skin and it wasn’t long before there were moans of appreciation, in between further demands to be careful, the grass sometimes felt a bit sharp she said. The binoculars were stood on the concrete tank trap nearby, and they have a long neck strap made of plastic, just the thing. I reached for them and placed them between her legs, doubling up the strap in my fingers making a loop, which I then oh so gently used to brush against her quim. She’s ‘aux natural’ but has little hair due to her being fair, however, there’s enough. Enough to touch and tease without making direct contact with the labia, mmmm. The more I lightly brushed the strap against the hair the more she enjoyed it….the signals were there, the restless legs, the quickening of breath…the inner and outer lips becoming swollen, there were people making their way down the beach towards us from Lower Largo but a good way away yet with a good chance of them turning anyway. Few souls walk as far as Dumbarnie and besides there’s nothing like a bit of risk to increase the tempo, to up the tension, a bit like bondage. There had been other times similar; once in Port Glasgow Minx was giving Geeze a blow job in the car when a bloke in his fifties caught sight of us and edged closer and closer to watch…which just amplified the whole scenario for us, but that’s another story, back to the beach and on to stimulating the lower area of the vagina directly, now swollen deep red and firm, cherry like, glistening wet in the afternoon sun which beat down gloriously upon our naked flesh.

I’ve never seen anyone get aroused quite like Minx, its right there, visibly obvious and very erotic.

Her tits responded too on this occasion, swelling considerably from the increased blood flow pumping into the area around the nipple, a consequence of the stimulation down below combined with the summer heat. Suddenly it was BOOM!  A stream of squirt ejected from her pussy, arcing over the binoculars between her thighs, illuminated by the sun like a string of pearls before landing to wet the warm sand between her feet. Geeze at once kissed her pussy and tasted her juice; on the edge himself by now, throwing caution to the wind without a care in the world, apart from his own pleasure, sharp masturbation for a few seconds brought him off, his cum mixing with Minx’s in the sand, JOB DONE. On this occasion it was just the two of us. Some of you’ll know about the time on another Fife beach when things went way way further, the time we seduced a total stranger…I wonder what this year will have in store for us…ROLL ON SUMMER 🙂 🙂


So, sexy friends, it’s coming up to Easter which means its competition time again. You could WIN sextoys! Just like Bruce did at Christmas and George on Valentine’s Day. All you have to do is answer the following 4 questions and email your answers to Closing date is NOON on Easter Sunday 16th April.

  1. Dan Savage coined a term years ago for a woman penetrating a man, what WAS that term?
  2. The male G-Spot can be found where? Is it a) adjacent to the anus b) within the rectum or c) adjacent to the rectum?
  3. The male P-spot can be stimulated externally, TRUE or FALSE
  4. You’re at a swingers club or party engaging in group sex with some anal play involved. Which lube would be best for your comfort and safety, would it be a) Anal Glide Anal Lube from Doc Johnson or b) Super Slik from, well, Super Slik, HINT: You will find the answer by looking through 

Prize is HIS PROSTATE TRAINING KIT from PIPEDREAM worth forty quid or if you’re a couple & you’d prefer it, we’ll send you a KINKY FUCKERY KIT from Fifty Shades Darker instead, OK?

 We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….You subscribe to our newsletter 'NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS' and to find out what it’s really like to be an EscortCouple, We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx


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