MARCH 2018

NEWS VIEWS n SCREWS

Fun50Couple-NEWS

Dear Sexy Friends, how have you all been coping with the Beast from the East? Or the Pest from the West? It seems now we’re bracing ourselves for two more ‘mini beasts’ to hit us over Easter and early April. Business for us has dived as people have stayed home and then gone back to work and been under pressure to ‘catch up’. But then what can we expect from a generation brought up on school closures at the first sign of much more than a hard frost? Those youngsters have been fed a message ‘when it snows you stay at home’ so guess what? That’s what happens when they become adults...they don’t make any attempt to ‘get in to work’ in the name of Health & Safety blah blah. I’m generalising I know  but you get my drift, no pun intended. There seems to be as many  snowflakes in management nowadays as there are falling form the sky. Forgive me, but as some-one who was sailing the 7 seas in foreign going merchant ships at age 17, standing alone on navigation watch at 19, then moving to North Sea oil rigs at 20 as the Merchant Fleet died, I find these modern attitudes difficult to come to terms with. A couple of years ago I noticed countless tweets on Twitter from the Forth Road Bridge making a big song and dance about the welders and fabricators working to repair the cracks discovered on the old suspension bridge just prior to the opening of the new Queensferry Crossing. The men were pulled off the job when the winds rose to about 40mph...even more tweets. I pointed out to FRB at the time that hundreds of thousands of men have been toiling for over 5 decades offshore, WITHOUT CEREMONY, around the clock, in winds frequently blowing 100 mph for days on end, accompanied by waves easily twice the height of a house, out of sight, and out of mind. FRB said they understood this, but said the tweets were made ‘in the public interest’. Forty to Fifty years ago we also had harsh winters, there were no ‘snow events’ back then...you just expected it, and took warm clothes and a shovel with you when travelling, and maybe a set of snow chains. And if you were working out of Aberdeen and lived in London you made bloody sure you got the earlier train or got there by road a day early because the ‘weather’ was no excuse for missing the chopper. And anyway, there were a thousand guys wanting your job if you couldn’t be bothered to make it. I well remember having to drive up the coastal route through Scotland in winter to avoid the snow inland; the first mile or so in from the sea never got affected so badly and the roads were clearer due to the salt in the air. If a Government Minister had suggested back then that lorries carrying pipe or ‘non essential’ goods shouldn't venture out on the roads in snow, he’d have been laughed out of office….different times, a different generation, I rest my case.

The other BIG news for us in March was Eroticon, the conference for erotic writers and sex industry commentators held in Camden London. I’m still pondering what I learnt and what I saw there, and shall pass comment, maybe, in a later NVS. All I can say now, is that it was well worth me going as it allowed me to learn about legal and technical issues affecting our industry first hand rather than relying on flimsy evidence and hearsay. I’m not sure though, that I want to be included in the ‘sex blogger bubble’, with all of them ‘collaborating’ like all good Millennials do, for what they perceive ‘the greater good’. I am ME, and I shall go my own way. I shall carry on producing what MY followers like, and will not turn NVS into ‘just another sexblog’ set in a format and style which mirrors so many others. Anyway friends let me tell you, there are some grave developments coming to pass; the days of porn freely available on demand via the internet are numbered. So too is your freedom, yes YOUR FREEDOM, to browse sexual service providers like us, online. More to come in future NVS's ...

There was a shred of good news though...the Digital Economy Act which promises to deal such a blow to our industry has been delayed....

to allow for further consulations to take place; however, it's still scheduled to come into force in about 6 months. It seems my forecast that we shall go full circle and end up buying little A5 contact mags again from shady newsagents in order to hook up for sex, may prove to be bang on the money. In short, we’re seeing a backlash to the freedoms won this past 20 years in the same way we saw happen in the 80’s following the permissive decades of the 60’s and 70s. Only this time, it’s happening at lightening speed. As an industry, the oldest profession has survived since the beginning of time, and we shall prevail. Buckle up folks for a bumpy ride.

Fun50Couple-VIEWS

I came across a very interesting article about ‘touch’ recently. It was a wee bit scientific and high brow, but a lot of it struck a chord. Why? Because we as an escort couple catering to a wide audience, observe so much, that others can’t. For example? Day after day we’re called by young 20 and 30 some-things who haven’t bothered to read the profile and to note that we only see over 40’s. They nearly always come across as selfish and aggressive, with no niceties or politeness whatsoever, and determined to have ‘the last word’. It goes like this: Phone rings, ‘Hi’ Minx will say…..followed by a reply ‘Yoooo wuuurkin?’ and that’s all; No ‘Hello I’m Blah and I’ve seen your profile and wondered……..’ In short, most have lost the art of effective verbal communication.

Then there are the 50 some-things and way beyond, who’ll phone and say they’re still with their wives but it’s gone ‘flat’ or ‘dead’ and there’s no sex; they’re in a relationship still but ‘lonely’ within it, with little contact or connection. We hear too, from widowers & divorcees, crying out for intimacy, not necessarily sex, just to be close with another soul if only for an hour. You’d be surprised how few of these people opt for full sex, or even much more than a cuddle and a ‘kind ear’. We are living in a society driven increasingly (as the % of younger ones advance in years) by social media. In fact, I think the term ‘social media’ is a misnomer, and it should instead be ‘UNSOCIAL MEDIA’. I would go so far as to say it will cause the complete breakdown of society and human relationships. Whilst staying at a 4 star hotel close to Camden for Eroticon, there was a large group of students resident, on a visit here from Texas, USA. Bratty students I would call them. One night there was 7 of them sat at a table all in bare feet (painful & unaccustomed to walking); I watched them for a good couple of hours while socialising, and for the entire duration, all 7 kids were crouched over their phones, swiping, tapping, occasionally murmuring to their friend while still engrossed in the screen. Next to them there were three older 30 some-thing guys....same thing. All wrapped up in Social Media and the interweb. All swayed by the latest #hashtags and jumping onboard no doubt, as armchair experts. That is our problem. Look at #MeToo, how in a few short months it’s changed the world. People, because of it, are now afraid of touch. Touch is one of the five senses; it’s complex and the least understood. Touch has been a force for good, cementing people together for millions of years. Now the blessed Social Media is destroying that bond. Little by little, it’s death by a thousand cuts. At our peril. Doctors can no longer ‘comfort’ patients. Foster parents are being warned against hugging children as are teachers…..some won’t apply a plaster to a child’s minor graze in case they face a legal charge. It’s 'wrong to get too close' to another on a crowded Tube. People are frightened to touch for fear that it might be judged as an ulterior motive. Touch is soothing. It releases ‘feel good’ chemicals on both sides, chemicals that ease stress. ‘IT is the particle that glues everything social together’ according to Francis McGlone, an eminent professor in neuro-science at Liverpool’s John Moore Uni. It's NOT Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook or any other frikin social media of American origin. Yeah, they’re invariably American aren’t they. Just like every other aspect of our contemporary techno-lives. We are just a simple escort couple with no medical credentials whatsoever, but I still believe we are qualified to pass comment. The men we see are often victims to these modern trends.

Few of the over 50’s use Social Media or care for it, however, they are still affected; by a society withdrawing from warm face to face communication. By a society backing away from ‘touch’.

Too many youngsters can’t form strong relationships because they’ve lost the art of human communication with all it’s little inferences, including touch. They think they can build relationships out of Social Media ‘friends’, most of whom would run a mile at the first sign of ‘need’ or empathy WTSHTF. The GenXer’s meanwhile are haunted by past behaviours considered ‘normal’ back in the day, but now classified in some quarters as harassment. Yes perhaps it WAS harassment, but the point is harassment or no harassment, Gen X man is now thinking ‘Don’t go there’ when formerly he would have tapped a shoulder or a leg or made some kind of informal contact almost instinctively, as a human being. In 2018, many of us are frightened to be true to ourselves, and yes, human. That is why so many men beat a path to our door. We are a ‘safe haven’ where they can for an hour at least be themselves. To TOUCH. To feel skin against skin. To relax, and not be judged. Some of the more elderly folk we see live alone and go weeks without being close to a single soul. It’s reckoned there are around half a million people living in the UK like that. Human beings NEED touch. Without it people are known to get into a defensive state, and tend more towards aggression. Zuckerberg boasted a couple of years ago that he & his monster, AKA Facebook were going to change the World. He already has, aided and abetted by others. And in my humble opinion, it’s NOT a better place.

Fun50Couple-SCREWS

One of the leading bloggers told us at Eroticon that we have to be consistent, and put stuff out there, regularly. Even if we don’t feel like doing it. She and her tribe do just that. And tbh, I’ve read a lot of it, and I’m NOT IMPRESSED. A lot if it is drivel. NVS is from the heart. And if there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there, period. This month, we’ve been so quiet, there’s no meeting that stands out & worthy of reporting on. So we’ll not invent one, because 95% of our content is TRUE. So let’s talk about masturbation instead. Apparently, and I wasn’t aware of this, but recognise it now I’ve been told, masturbation ‘came out’ as a subject in 2017. It became mainstream and OK, trendy even, to talk about. In public. And of course with so few ‘couple’ meets around just now, what’s a man supposed to do? (Especially while Minx has kept us going solo 🙂 ) Yep. You guessed it, Geeze has been exercising the right hand a little more often than usual.

The fascinating thing is, like sex between us, no two times are ever the same. I fail to comprehend those folk who say sex is BORING. They must not be doing it right...

Geeze sleeps in a room full of sex toys, so at times it’s difficult to resist the temptation, and an area of particular interest right now is prostate massage. We get quite a few men ask for it, and there have been several meetings where we’ve succeeded in pleasuring a man hands free to the point of streaming copious amounts of pre-cum. Finding precisely the right spot is quite an art, and differs from man to man, and sadly to date, we haven’t been successful in striking it rich and releasing the ‘motherload’ entirely on ‘hands free’. That’s the thing about sex isn’t it, there’s always another step if you’ve an open mind, mmmmmmmm. So Geeze has been practising. Some of you will point out there’s toys on the market designed to ‘hit the spot’ straight-away, but in our experience, men vary so much, there’s no guarantee; Y’all should know that sex toy manufacturers are masters at hype anyway. One of the most important factors is to find a device that’s curved and able to be held at the right angle and kept there while inserted. The Aneros massager type units which you insert first, then gently rock are one solution, however, many of them (& their cheap imitations) are thin & spindly and don’t do the trick. Geeze’s fave is a big glass beaded dildo, but it’s difficult to keep aligned, and can end up 180 degrees off...not what you want for prostate massage. He has another glass one, which is straight with a kink at one end and a handle which makes it easy to keep aligned, and boy, does that feel good. But even that one hasn’t to date brought on the Holy Grail of O’s. Close, yes, but not quite the full enchilada. I suppose it’s possible that I might never be able to get the FULL prostate O due to my particular physiological make-up, but I’m not one to give up;

I have a reputation for persevering in everything I do to the point of obsession, then becoming better than most at whatever it is...

So P-massage is work in progress. It’s also something I can share knowledge with, as many of our clients have similar dreams, and may themselves find it easier to ‘get off’. At Eroticon, there were some fabulous Electrostim devices for anal play that I can’t wait to get my hands on, Stay tuned guys. So, after several BIG O’s with the glass device, one night I didn’t want to get so ‘involved’ and chose a simple 4 inch realistic cock plug instead. It’s one we often use sheathed in a condom for intermediate anal play. Sometimes it’s good to get back to basics! I hadn’t used it for years, but was surprised to feel how G>O>O>D it felt. It really was intense, once I slowed down and used my muscles and body weight to get the best out of it. I was on the edge for ages...it was the most delicious feeling that was so good while at the same time leaving me wishing for just that little bit more. Needless to say there was a violent but Happy Ending. Whilst at Eroticon I caught up with a lesbian couple I know. They’re both NVS readers and very sexual. And kind. We find that with gay and bi folk...they’re often so sensual and as a group seem more easily able to empathize with others from either sex. One of them told me that her brother was straight and had no problem with her being gay, however, apparently he DID HAVE A PROBLEM with self exploration and anal play as do so many men . She wished he didn’t. Guys, don’t be like that! The P-spot is the equivalent of the clitoris. You don’t have to involve others! You can explore in private. I can assure you that once you’ve hit the spot you’ll be sold; Remember, an ass has no sexuality of it’s own per se, it just knows it likes P>L>E>A>S>U>R>E. So cast inhibitions to one side and enjoy, it DOESN’T MEAN you’re gay, OK?...which neatly brings me on to the subject of QUEST from Rocks-Off. QUEST is designed as a prostate massager for beginners. We’d been on the look out for an anal vibrator for ages due to repeated requests, and ended up being seduced by the shape and form of Rocks-Off’s Quest when it was released last year. What we didn’t grasp though, in spite of reading it (!!!), was the vibe’s small size at around 3.25 inches insertable. Granted the P-spot in many men is about the length of a middle finger in, and this massager almost equals that but for Geeze, it missed the spot on two counts, length AND girth. But then G is an experienced player. For most men NEW to anal play, QUEST is worth considering, and fairly cheap too at under £20 depending on where you buy. Well made, and discreet, it can easily be packed into a washbag with a sache of lube maybe for those times you’re away from home and feeling so so horneeeeeee.

Remember guys, just touching the anus without any penetration at all can be a big thrill; combining that with firm massage of the perineum and some ball play will take things up another notch;

Some men can reach a Prostate induced orgasm from external stimulation alone. Douche/wash well prior to play, and get relaxed. Give yourself TIME. Don’t force anything; use ass muscles in tandem with light pressure to absorb the toy, or your finger for that matter. The glossy finish of QUEST ensures it slides in smoothly with the help of lube and washes up a treat after use. It’s 100% waterproof so you can use in a bath, and takes an AA battery which powers the powerful bullet which has variable speeds and mode. We couldn’t see any instructions about battery size so upon opening the compartment thought the device took a watch size battery instead; Silly us. What you see in fact is a cardboard spacer which separates the AA battery from the contacts for the purposes of shipping. Remove that, and you’ll see the AA already installed and you’re ready to go. There’s also a rubber flange which prevents getting the toy ‘lost’. It’s important to know that unlike a vagina, the rectum has no end as such, so it is possible and potentially embarrassing to lose control of a toy hence the flange. Not all toys have them. So guys, if you’re looking for easy entry level fun from a body-safe device made by a well respected manufacturer, ROCKS-OFF QUEST might be for you.

During the slow periods, Minx and I like a bit of ‘staff training’. One of the downsides of being a male escort is that one has to ‘save oneself’ to a degree in case of a ‘job’. Geeze can still manage to come hard at least three times in a day. There are many times though, when every-one else has cum & Geeze hasn’t, simply because in a meet situation, the client, once he’s cum is DONE, finito. So Geeze saves it. That can go on for days. So when we get downtime, it’s a double edged sword; no money, but a chance of some us-time and FUN. The room which sees most action in our home outside of ‘work’ is the kitchen. It usually starts off quite early in the day while going about our normal business, with flirting and closeness. Around tea time we’ll have a drink and the flirting becomes more explicit from Geeze, with Minx preferring a more subtle build up. A bottle of wine later, things are a lot looser, with kissing, necking and more hands-on contact, in between tending the oven and hotplate for tea. And so it was one particular evening recently. Geeze is a bit of an ass worshipper, and who wouldn’t be with a fiancée in the shape of Minx. Minx has the most glorious booty, a buxom figure in proportion, and a sunny personality as you’ll know, and she gets quite turned on by sex in the kitchen. Soon, the heat was turned down (on the cooking side) and deep hard snogging ensued, with lips bitten to the point almost of pain and bloodshed. Things got VERY intense.

Clients often demand to watch us ‘fuck hard’ on the bed in front of them, and while it’s a treat for Geeze, it’s no great shakes for us as a couple because it’s not really satisfying.

Everybody’s built differently I guess, but we like our feet on the ground; Whether it causes pussy to tighten I don’t know but when Minx is in chunky heels, pushed up against a worktop, cotton leggings round her ankles, the feeling of forcing cock into that sweet cunt is to die for. ‘Force’ is a risky word I know. There are many XXX sites, Adult Work included, where you cannot use the word, at all. The modern obsession with ‘consent’ in all its forms has oft been discussed between us….later that evening I put it to her that I’d not asked for permission, and had indeed forced entry, but its an unwritten agreement. Some would call it Common Sense. Others call it abuse. Minx confirmed her feelings by saying straight out ‘If I hadn’t wanted you to do it, you’d have known about it’. Like most sensible women. That’ll do for me. The feeling we both get as I push hard to gain entry is exsquisite, especially that last couple of inches, it’s so wanton, so guttural, and just so FUCKING CLOSE & AMAZING. Hard thrusting followed, accompanied by screamed obscenities; we were perilously close to the cooker extractor hood and a thought flashed through my mind that we might be heard by the neighbours. The exhaust vent exits the wall adjacent to their driveway, nevertheless Minx continued to ride Geeze enthusiastically, partially off the ground at times as Geeze cradled her ass with his hands while stretching her bumcheeks apart to the point they would go no further. Climaxing together, Geeze pulled out, pouring with sweat, chest heaving from a pounding heart while Minx found release, gushing over our feet and the floor.... there followed more deep French kissing, before we turned our attention back to culinary matters, and tea, job done; though this time was different. There was more. Minx often teases me by saying she’s not finished, knowing full well I’m temporarily spent; Whilst eating our meal, conversation never strayed far from S, E and X; Our vocation is constantly under discussion, including ideas on how we can improve and/or offer more to our lovely clients. Current projects include the acquisition of a confinement cage and a suspension frame, but that’s another story.

With a bath towel wrapped round his waist, a prominent bulge made even more obvious by an intermittent twitch,  signalled there was more to cum.

Minx washed up the pots, while Geeze dried and hovered behind her, complementing her on her ass. It just had to be licked. Minx allowed Geeze to part her cheeks once more, and it wasn’t long before Geeze had his tongue stuffed into her crack, then deep in her hole, as far in as it was possible to go. Minx led the way back to the living room, asking for attention on her pussy and clit, away from her ass; she was horny. She needed to cum, to squirt, to make Geeze earn his wicked way by drinking her juice, never certain whether he’ll take the full load or not, depending on mood and state of arousal. This time Geeze positioned himself carefully to take every last drop. Seriously horned up from the oral activity before, Geeze pushed his nose right up into Minx’s cunt, licking frantically, to be rewarded with a drink; sweet tasting squirt, nectar, building to a gush as Minx got super turned on. It was like drinking from a glass, literally; full mouthfuls, one after another after another….turning the occasion into raw sex, lust, love and back to lust; Geeze wanted to fuck her ass now; He NEEDED to fuck her ass. Minx has to be in the right mood for ‘A’ and it’s rarely offered to clients, but tonight it was on the menu, it was wanted, a special treat, so Geeze dribbled spit between her cheeks, found her bumhole, paused, then pushed, before pausing once more. Easy, gently, 'testing the water' so to speak, while leaning over and against her, fondling her tits, her nipples briefly…..then her curves, those comforting folds that feel so good and kind of re-assuring when you’re both so close. Then it was all the way...that delicious feeling of tight hole resisting a retracting foreskin and swollen glans; I’d been there before in the kitchen, but this was one better. One of the joys of anal sex is that it’s never ‘assumed’, it remains ‘special’, from the days I suppose when it was seen as taboo; (though in some cultures it has been practised widely since the beginning of time) there still lingers that feeling in the back of your mind that it’s forbidden to ‘the many’ and you’re a lucky man to be there.

For a second time that night, Geeze came hard, keeping his cock deep inside her and perfectly still, so she could feel his pumping. Glorious.

Ant there is where we shall leave it. We know many couples who have been together for years and seemingly ‘have it all’ ….good safe jobs, inherited money by the barrow load, two houses, umpteen holidays a year, that kinda thing, yet we've seen several of them come to grief after growing apart from one another, or failing to deal effectively with some crisis or other, laying bare weaknesses. Such shortcomings have been plain to see by others, but gone un-recognised by the couples themselves. Then there are people like us who constantly wonder why at the slightest sniff of fame and fortune, heads are pushed back down behind the parapet, metaphorically speaking, and we are forced to face yet more struggle. We’ve both lived through some devastating and catastrophic events, but the upshot is we’re strong as a by-product of it all, and for that we’re thankful; most of the time it’s almost like we’re one person in two bodies; isn’t that what being in a great relationship should really feel like? Answers on a postcard please. 🙂

And finally, while Geeze attended Eroticon, Minx was out exploring London with a friend, which included a trip to the Adelphi Theatre on the Strand to see 'Kinky Boots' the musical. You may have heard of this multi-award winning show; it’s based on a true story about a struggling shoe factory at the time and place where Geeze grew up as a child, in Northampton. Highly recommended. Until next time….

You subscribe to NVS to find out about Escort Couple life, We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx

https://www.fun-five-o.com is the place to go if you are a sexually liberated man or couple, straight, bisexual or gay, looking for sextoys & performance enhancers, Take a look.

* PICTURES: Top left is the former Elder Dempster ship MV SHONGA, one of the ships Geeze saled on as a Cadet Officer. Top right is a picture of the 25,000ton semi-submersible exploration rig KINGSNORTH UK, which Geeze joined in South Shields when new, before towing out to drill for Mobil Oil on the North Sea's Beryl Field. Geeze went on to work on rigs all over the world as a casing stabber and service technician for WEATHERFORD LAMB. The picture of the rig in rough weather isn't a painting, it's a photo and shows the kind of conditions prevalent offshore in the North Sea between September and April and NOT for the faint-hearted.

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity.

© fun50couple 2017