Hello again sexy friends and followers!  It’s that time of year again when you think you’ll get ahead for once organising Christmas arrangements, only to get side-tracked for one reason or another, & then suddenly realise you’ve left everything too late.  So, there’s 41 days to go. Including ‘Black Friday’…yet another seemingly obligatory Americanism we’ve gotten used to….to hell with the fact that our home UK retailers may, actually, be trading perfectly well thank you very much without having to discount at all before Xmas, not least as early as 24th November!  The likes of AMAZON though now decree that ‘that’s how things will be….like it or lump it’ and like sheep, Joe Public goes along with it without a thought for the long term consequences. And for those of you thinking I’ve made a mistake with the 24th November date, I’ve got news for you…this year we’re being told that it’s going to be ‘Black Five Day’. Traditionally the American Christmas shopping spree starts the day after their Thanksgiving Day which falls on the 4th Thursday of November. Now, even that well-loved American date, traditionally a day of reflection and thanks for the harvest, has fallen victim to commercial greed…with Black 5 Day commencing on the 24th and finishing on cyber Monday the 28th. How friking long before Amazon decrees ‘Black November’ and discounts for the whole month? Undoubtedly there’ll be many folk thrilled by the prospect of ‘bargains’ galore, the same kind who will be queuing outside Tesco and Asda at midnight I guess without a care for anything much else except themselves. In reality though, it’s just another nail in the coffin for thousands of small, medium and even large retailers, who’ll suffer a slow death by a thousand cuts; it only needs turnover and profitability to drop a very small % to put them into the red…just like the 30-40% of businesses in my local High Street who’ve died in the last 10 years. These unfortunate firms, in the main, have been forced to close their doors, why? Because most of them have been too busy working ‘in’ their businesses instead of ‘at’ their businesses. Most have failed spectacularly to implement measures and tactics vital to counter the inexorable march of the internet, globalisation and greedy Government in the form of local councils, squeezed by cuts and a hidden agenda to maintain their status quo AKA jobs for life in shiny offices, with fat pensions to look forward to at an early age.

All that is left of nearly half my local High Street is a ghetto of scruffy empty retail units, unfit for purpose, fit only for the bulldozer. 

Who would have thought 20 years ago that giants like BHS, C&A, Woolworths, Marks & Sparks….would have vanished from so many town centres to be replaced by relative upstarts like Next, trading from premises a fraction of the size of these former goliaths. Fair-play to Next; they have been one of the few who have embraced change rapidly and are prospering from it, and an example to others, including ourselves. I’ve often heard tycoons say that that a big business is nothing more than a small business multiplied up…we all face the same challenges, it’s just a difference in scale. Some in the sex-toy trade are viewing Black 5 Day with alarm. Why? The reason is that traditionally, adult industry sales spike dramatically at Christmas and Valentine’s Day. The winners in the forthcoming battle will be those that find ways to even out their trade over the whole year, and maintain profitability, not those that bury their heads in the sand and hope the trend goes away.

You kindly subscribe to NEWS VIEWS n SCREWS

because you want to hear first-hand about our life as escorts, and we know that most of you think it’s one big fuckfest and not really a job at all. Some of you write to us in envy of our exploits, wishing it were you! We enjoy corresponding with you all, but in reality, our life is very different to what you imagine. Our life is no different to any-one else in business….nothing more than a constant battle to outwit the competition and to maintain cash-flow. Some of you older readers will remember back in the day when we all used to deal directly with our local bank manager with regard to personal finance matters. One of the phrases they lived or died by was ‘Look after the cash-flow and the profits will look after themselves’….words as true today in the age of the interweb as ever they were in the past. It may surprise some of you, but as Professional Escorts that is what our life revolves around, NOT how many times we can cum or how many meets we can fit in or how downright DIRTY we can be. Our life is about giving a good SERVICE, & ensuring we get repeat business, to carry us through the lean times. So guys, when you’re browsing all those escort ads, stop and think for a minute….the good service providers will always be the ones who ply their trade in a business-like fashion…in reality, it’s easy to sort the wheat from the chaff. You want a good experience? Of course you do! That will mean going with some-one who cares.

Some-one who cares first and foremost about giving you such a good time that you’ll want to go back.

Some-one who’ll pay attention to every small detail to ensure there’s the very best chance of you going back to them. Right down to the spelling and grammar in the profile, the honesty and integrity of the ad and images, the prep with regard to dress and make-up, the standard & cleanliness of any accommodation,  the implementation and provision for safe sex practises, PLUS of course the actual delivery of the ‘service’ itself, even the cooling down period afterwards…all aspects need care and attention. Because, those Escorts that don’t ‘deliver’ are no different to the shops in the High Street you see closing down, the people too busy working ‘in’ the business who should instead be intent on working  ‘at’ their business…always attending to fine detail, always monitoring trends, always adapting and evolving to keep in front. That is what we strive to do as  and now with  too.  All this ties up very nicely with fun50couple views this month, which, YAWN….I have already trailed as being a bit political…SORRY 🙂 Read more….


As a politically astute and streetwise couple, how can we possibly pass this month without comment on the huge events taking place….literally LIVING HISTORY aka #Brexit and #TrumpForPresident. Actually these two campaigns are VERY RELEVANT to us as an Escort Couple I kid you not. How so? As professional escorts we are in a truly unique position and one shared by very few people. If you’ve read the NEWS para above, you’ll see what our daily life revolves round…basically SEX as a business in one form or another.  We live eat and breathe the adult industry. Unlike many of our peers, we come from a strong business background and our education is from the University of Life, having left school at 16….no Uni for us! Some college yes, but 30 years ago, unless you were in the top 5% academically you left school and got straight on with work….that was just the way it was.

We are amongst the 52% odd labelled (here and across the Pond) most recently as the ‘stupid older generation’, ‘lacking in education’ and with ‘no thought for the younger generation’ who will have to ‘live with the consequences’.

For the last 4 to 5 years we’ve been analysing our customers and business model for the reasons mentioned earlier….to find ways of reaching new clients and retaining existing ones. This has included gently questioning escort clients to find out where they found out about us, and what social media channels they use. One of the most intriguing aspects of our business is our interactions with Millennials aka the under 40’s well under 38’s to be precise. Millennials make up a good proportion of inquiries, yet fewer than 2% ever actually turn up and/or go ahead with meeting. We have spent a good deal of time researching this…looking at papers examining generational differences, and talking with clients, most of whom are business people themselves, some of them very big players and factory owners. Geeze also regularly attends marketing conferences up and down the country, and has rubbed shoulders with several industry influencers. A lot of stuff has been learned about in depth, from technical knowledge in relation to websites, to advanced BDSM techniques (on-going), as well as detailed research into attitudes surrounding the LGBT community. We’re passionate people with a keen interest in current affairs and politics, both of us former party members and activists, though sadly now lacking the time to continue. Geeze was even approached and asked to consider standing as a PPC, but declined for obvious reasons….too many skeletons in the cupboard!  The Daily Mirror would have had a field day!

Why am I telling you all this? Well, the reason is, Brexit and Trump has brought closure. They’ve confirmed what we’re thought privately for the last couple of years. BIG TIME. What these two events show is the split, more like a chasm, between the Millennials and the ‘rest of us’.

Before you dismiss me as a pain in the ass and just another middle aged twat out of tune with modern life, just hear me out.  

Geeze has a very unusual background and one which lends itself well to sensible analysis of the current situation we all face.  For 40 years almost I’ve worked for myself, and found business from cold, literally. The same applies today…as fun50couple we have to find a new weeks work tomorrow, from….wherever, who knows where? Lets face it,  If goes down, 95% of the UK’s escorts are out of a job overnight; not so with us…we’ve been bright enough to make our own website which now regularly ranks on page 1 from our own efforts, not an agency. Before the age of the internet, Geeze knocked doors literally, for over 30 years for a variety of services…he’s knocked posh houses in the stockbroker belt, run down council estates in old steel  towns like Corby, business to business on industrial estates across Scotland, he’s found business out of no-where, and survived. Just. He’s also knocked doors for politics…sold sextoys in pubs and social clubs, and run stretch limmos around London so it’s fair to say, he’s what you call streetwise.

There’s been many a week where if he didn’t find business from somewhere, he wouldn’t be eating the next week.  Geeze has never gone hungry.

It’s not that different even today. He’s used to dealing with all kinds of folk, rich n poor, young and old, toffs n ‘cor blimeys. The conundrum about why we never connect with under 40s has been a puzzle. Until this week.  What we’ve seen this week is the younger folk in the main refusing to accept the democratic process. In Scotland, in England, in the USA people are marching and protesting because they haven’t got their way, despite a fair & reasonable democratic process being followed. We haven’t seen this before in living memory in the Western World.  Yes we the silent older generation ARE fighting back, through our majority vote, for its all we have; we are no longer content to be, for want of a better word, shit on by left leaning liberalist ‘everybody is special’ mantra Millennials….Young people brought up in a land of plenty, a land of excess, a land of greed, in a community of phoney relationships fostered by social media.

One of the starkest observations in our research is that almost NONE, really, NONE, of our Escort clients use any kind of social media!

By clients I’m referring to actual people we see and turn up. Amongst all the noise the LGBT ‘community’ is jumping up n down saying their world is ending and fearing for their lives under Trump. Well I’m sorry but if your bi like me you’re bi, if you’re gay you’re gay, end of, regardless of who’s in the bloody White House or Westminster. Minority activists in all spheres have become used to getting their way by shouting loud about their rights; with regard to bi people, most are quietly getting on with their sexuality and not offending others; It’s reckoned that there are 4 times many people who identify as bi in the LBGT community as there are gay, yet they are ignored. No matter. SFW? A good many of those folk aren’t bothered, me included. Respect the fact that there are a good many folk in society who condemn you, but they are entitled to their beliefs, just as the minority LGBT group are theirs. It makes sense that if one is in a minority group you, to a point, should be willing to accept the views of the majority. It’s called life. It’s not about spitting dummies out of prams. What’s the relevance here?  It is that the Brexit and Trump results are victories on the back of a vote from people who have common sense by the spade load over ‘education’; people who have just got on with life, kept their heads down and people who until recently prospered from that way of life. These same people 30 years ago were starting families in their low 20’s, on the housing ladder at the same age, living  with serious responsibilities, but on little money too. Before you say times were easier they weren’t…just think of the political unrest, the industrial chaos and strikes, but we survived and got on with life, as did previous generations who faced World Wars even, we found a way instead of bleating about it and expecting the state to pick up the tab.

Since then the pendulum has swung the other way, not helped by the interweb which has evolved into a social platform rather than the informational one originally envisaged.

Family units have disintegrated and young people now talk in text speak to so called ‘friends’ on social media; people who in the true sense of the word are nothing of the sort. A friend is somebody who’ll lend you a hundred quid when you’re on the bone of your ass and the bank or your Mrs blows you out…a friend is somebody you talk to in depth 121 or within a group face to face…you say the wrong thing you get slapped, you quickly learn the art of talking, getting on with others, or not….it means you’ll be able to get a girlfriend because you can communicate, it means you’ll have sex for real  instead of wanking endlessly to internet porn through not being able to form a proper relationship.

A friend in the true sense of the word is some-one you MIGHT confide with over your sexuality.

Or you might chose to stay quiet and keep your head down, to still enjoy being different but behind closed doors, without foisting it on others.  Millennials contact us in large numbers. They ask us tons of questions which indicate they’ve never bothered to read beyond the first line of our profile. It seems anything more than 140 characters are off limits to them. Sometimes we’ll go along with their endless email ping-pong, to find eventually, they never materialise. You see, many can’t actually make an open or shut DECISION easily, because they’ve never had to. Not one where their very life & wellbeing depends on it anyways. They are seduced by the social media machine which dictates that today’s way of doing things is to form a ‘relationship’, to start a ‘conversation’ with a service provider over time…that service provider is expected to keep giving and sharing for free all kinds of stuff to turn the punter into a ‘raving fan’ before they ever dare ask to close a sale…..OK! We take that on board, we realise that is what is happening but as Escorts we simply don’t have time for that kind of thing to take place.

We are not going to answer hundreds of email messages over many months to get some-one to meet us for a hundred and fifty quid….maybe.

The very nature of escorting means it’s always going to be 121 conversations. The moral of this story is that we now know that we are, in reality, unlikely to ever do much with Millennials with regard to escorting unless they themselves choose the old way of doing business which is doing your homework first before communicating in succinct terms to arrange a meeting.  Our FUN-FIVE-0 operation is the opposite case. It fits in perfectly with the ‘new way’ of doing things, with us easily able to market as ‘1 to many’, willingly sharing interesting information over time, forming ‘relationships’ , engaging in ‘conversations’ and YES, eventually generating revenue through sales. Our Twitter activity will change in response to these observations with more emphasis on FUN-FIVE-0.  @fun50couple will no longer be used as a serious channel to try and attract escort clients…it has simply been a waste of time. Nor will we indulge in free sexting via DMs. There have been several instances where we have had fun and got guys off via Direct Messaging…without even a ‘thank you’ once they’ve cum….that’s the modern way; some of these people have seen fit to ask for more a couple of weeks later…we know now its how most of you Millennials think and what you expect….us giving, giving, giving, well sorry, it’s no more!  We shall retain the account just as a bit of fun and as a means to help drive traffic through increased web footprint.

And finally, what you REALLY subscribe for......


Not difficult to pick a winner this month! We had a few texts from a subbie, and at first discounted them because they were a little vague…wanting us out on an outcall about 15 miles away late at night, with the location leading us to wonder if it might be a wagon driver parked up….not the kind of job we’d normally consider. They persisted though…I suppose us ignoring them led to the guy sending more information, so we got chatting. The guy was mid fifties, lived alone and wanted us to visit his house. Googling the address revealed it to be an older semi-detached property in a good area, so we agreed to go. He asked if Geeze cross dressed, as he was a sissy boy himself and did we mind? Well, of course we didn’t! We’ve had many a decent meet with sissy boys and CD’s. Minx is becoming more dom as time goes by, helped in part through spending time with London Josephine, a well-known trainer and London dominatrix.

Geeze has no interest in cross dressing, though being bi, always relishes the prospect of fucking Sissy boy cunt.

We’ll call this client Adrian for the sake of anonymity. We parked just down the road from Adrian’s gaff, and were glad the nights had drawn in, leaving a bright starlit sky above, still dark enough though to prevent a nosy neighbour seeing very much….she’d been standing outside and moved closer to the front garden as we got out of our car…clearly a smartly dressed couple with a briefcase was of interest…a knock on Adrian’s door quickly revealed an athletic looking guy, young for his age, in track suit bottoms and tee, ushering us in to a newly decorated hallway. In fact, the whole house looked new inside, with immaculate decor and deep pile carpet throughout. Adrian showed us into the living room, dimly lit, with Smooth radio on in the background; he’d gone to the trouble of buying new wine glasses and a nice bottle of vino for Minx, a nice touch, this meeting already showed promise. He’d booked us for two hours so there was no rush, nevertheless, that is never an excuse to spin time out with a load of waffle and small talk….Minx spotted nylon under the guys tracksuit bottom, so off it came, quickly followed by tee. Underneath Adrian was sporting black matt stockings, red lace panties and a black basque, all new, and decent quality too…the guy certainly didn’t appear to do anything by halves. Oh yes, I nearly forgot... he'd also lashed out £85 for a pair of size 9 patent 5" heels, Rock on.....Geeze straddled Adrian in his armchair, fascinated by his sissy clit pushing against the red lace pantie, as was Minx who caressed Adrian’s thigh, while Geeze rubbed clitty gently in a circular fashion…the trick with these kind of meetings is to discuss with Minx beforehand the whole scenario based upon information already supplied by sissy-boy….and work out rough timings, discreetly checking on the clock as time passes….not for reasons to get out quickly after a couple of hours, but instead to make sure everybody cums at the right time. If a guy says he’s only capable of cumming once (fairly common) then we’ll make sure we hold him off and keep the fire burning

…some escorts deliberately get clients to cum quickly then GTF out, that is NOT our style!

Adrian reckoned he could come at least twice, so we didn’t have to hold back too much. He was assisted by a tight rubber cock ring wrapped round his balls, which also contributed to delay. Geeze’s firm massaging of sissy’s clit eventually bore fruit, in the form of copious quantities of deliciously slimy pre-cum, oozing forth and through the red lace. This made further stimulation even easier and more pleasurable, and went on for nearly half an hour, with Geeze’s cock edging closer to Adrian’s mouth. Geeze can stay hard for a couple of hours if need be without cumming, and Adrian feasted on cock like a man possessed, almost to the point of pain. There’s a very fine line between pain and pleasure though and Geeze stuck with it, soon moaning with ecstasy….before drawing away and leaving Minx to continue with Adrian, who was by now on the living room carpet. The carpet smelt new, indeed it was new, so after a while Minx suggested we go upstairs to a bed….she definitely didn’t want Adrian’s floor covering to get soaked with squirt…this guy had gone to a lot of trouble to make the meet nice for us after all, so up the stairs we went. The upper floor was as luxurious as downstairs, and he’d already got the TV on, music, soft lighting and the most luxurious bed linen in the land…vibrant red in colour and deep quilt too…we snuggled in and got wrapped up together.

The two guys engaged  in a brief 69, before Minx once again demanded the attentions of sissy boy on her au natural milf pussy…nectar…

She soon came in floods over Adrian’s head and face….Geeze had sourced a towel and pushed a pvc sheet partially underneath the two writhing bodies just in time to catch the deluge. This of course turned Geeze on, not least because Minx’s ass was in full view as she rode Adrian’s boat. Now Minx has a beautiful booty, and I mean ‘BOOTY’ in the full sense of the word, with the most silky smooth white skin you’ve ever felt….bending over that little bit more with the help of Geeze’s hand displays a bum-hole to die for…and very difficult for Geeze to resist; a quick dip was necessary, there was no resistance on her part, she was totally sexed up and lost in the meeting. We can have a totally miserable day sometimes, but we both know, that that feeling quickly goes out the window once we’re in Escort mode with a decent guy….most guys in fact…we usually only meet quality people anyway; our questioning and close reading of messages beforehand often gives clues as to what a guy may really be like, and we are seldom caught out. At the end of the day, we can handle very high limits, well beyond what most people would bear, so there’s plenty of leeway to deal with the unexpected, and we can always walk away, something we’ve never actually done btw.

Adrian conceded he was an anal virgin, so that was another avenue open for investigation pardon the pun…so in went a gloved and lubed finger followed by a small cock dildo…oops!  We are often surprised at how far up the scale on feminisation/sissification/bi activities people are, OR NOT! We expected Adrian to be used to anal penetration from toys and fingering but he clearly wasn’t, so we backtracked to beads which he enjoyed…guys…if you’re new to anal then get some beginner beads, or graduated beads. The trick is to take it S>L>O>W and edge by skilful and repeated withdrawal and re-insertion, one bead at a time.

Get it right and tight you’ll be in heaven.

Adrian enjoyed anal play for a while before asking to watch me and Minx fuck…we knew what was coming! He’d want to lick Minx’s pussy clean of Geeze’s cum; sure enough that was the scenario. Whilst beading Adrian I had discreetly signalled to Minx we had around 15 minutes to go before the 2 hours was up, we fucked and fucked hard while Adrian watched and finally removed his tight ring. I felt his head underneath as he forced a way in to lick my balls and cock as I fucked minx’s hairy milf pussy, I knew Adrian liked that, it had been one of the questions in his texts…there seems to be a trend back towards au natural pussy these days, as several men specifically ask for it, BRAVO, never have been a fan of the schoolie look myself; It was nearing the end of a late night & no need to save myself now so it was a good powerful ejaculation into Minx….I’m a VERY heavy cummer and usually pump 6-9 times so there was ample time to partially withdraw and fire a load over her mott, though this time I managed her face and hair too.

Adrian didn’t need orders from Minx the Dom to clean up, and clean-up he did, leaving no trace of Geeze’s seed,

before she finally relieved him by hand…to be rewarded with a light load; what it lacked  in quantity it made up for in quality, good thick creamy spunk, the likes of which you just know has been aching to come out for a good while, you can tell by the consistency….big balls were another reliable indicator that we might see something like this. When you see many men, you get used to these things, its experience that counts!  There followed a deep conversation about swinger clubs and the construction industry, YES REALLY, the wine got finished and away we went, surprised and nearly caught off guard by the white road, for it was the first frost of the winter, only 7 weeks to go before Christmas! Thanks Adrian!

We turn fantasy into reality, and we tell you the way it is….You subscribe to our newsletter 'NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS' and to find out what it’s really like to be an EscortCouple, We thank you for your support, Stay tuned, safe sex always, until next time, Luv, fun50couple xxx

PS: Next ish out End November: We're going to run a really easy comp to win adult pleasure products PLUS exciting NEWS about sextoy parties coming to the NorthEast soon.

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity

© fun50couple 2016