AUTUMN 2022
'NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS'

MATURE UK ESCORTS
E-ZINE

Fun50Couple-NEWS

Hello Sexy Friends! Some of our 'NEWS' is at the beginning of this issue's 'SCREW', see below. Pretty grim times now right? Nevertheless, we're still meeting sexy men in the North East, passers by most of them. We're thinking about a mini tour just before Xmas, maybe the second week in December. Possibly to the South Coast taking in Portsmouth & Poole & maybe a stop on the way at Swindon. We're going to have to research hotel prices and let you know what we come up with via our AdultWork profile and/or this site's blog page. Last week Premier Inn were charging £165 a night across the board in their North East hotels, can you believe that??? So it may be a case of us taking a break come-what-may and advertising our presence once we're on location, rather than trying to build a tour around time-wasters, non confirmists [sic] & no-shows. If you reside in those areas, and you're reading this and wanting to meet for def, then email us at support@fun50couple.com. Be prepared to secure the day & time you want by means of a £75 non returnable deposit. Thanks guys!

Fun50Couple-VIEWS

We're bringing you a product review this month. Heads Up: for Christmas NEWS VIEWS & SCREWS we're planning a prize draw for another product, an exquisite piece of sexy hmmmmmmm... not gonna tell you what, but it's unique, you'll love it, and we're opening it up to all existing and new subscribers, stay tuned.

In truth, there can't be many punters who haven't had a scare occasionally over STD's. They'll get a sore a few days after a meeting, or a spot appears on their neck, or they think they're urethra stings a bit when they pee....all signs you could have 'got something'. Rest assured, most of those symptoms are simply psychosomatic. But sometimes, you worry. You leave it for a while, but it gnaws away in the background, until you reach a point where ACTION HAS TO BE TAKEN to put your mind at rest. You just HAVE to know, either way.

Most sex workers are regularly tested, including us, though sexual health clinics are becoming increasingly difficult to access. Instead, the NHS are foisting self test kits on people.... something you definitely don't want dropping though your letterbox if you're one of those guys 'with a secret life' shall we say. In fact, with trust the way it is these days, you're probably best leaving the NHS well alone, because there's strong evidence your data WILL be shared with your GP despite their assurances to the contrary.

The one STI  that people really worry about is HIV of course. The 'good' news is that it's no longer an automatic death sentence. Early diagnosis & treatment means you can live a pretty normal life these days, even if you are infected. HIV leads to AIDS. There's evidence emerging that 'the jab' is causing a type of AIDS (Acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) in some people, in other words, their immune system has being damaged. I suggest you Do Your Own Research. It's not something most people 'in authority' or 'law-makers' as they pompously call themselves (MP's I'm talking about) care much about, as evidenced by the fact that 5, yes just FIVE MP's out of 650 odd total, attended the recent government inquiry into vaccine injury. Truth usually wins though. HIV testing is what we're talking about today though, and we recently tested Bio Sure's newer ORAQUICK self test.

A few years ago, we reviewed their original home test kit. It was ground-breaking at the time, and included a skin pricking device, which drew blood which you then tested. That's not the kind of thing some people want to do, and ORAQUICK uses the 'swab' method instead. The kit marketed for home use is described as an in-vitro diagnostic test for HIV-1 and HIV-2 in oral fluid. It works by looking for your body's response (anti bodies) to fighting the HIV virus. In a clinical study, 494 people who were unaware of their HIV status were given the ORAQUICK test. Six individuals were removed from the accuracy calculation because they didn't report a result, however, they were included in the number of individuals who failed to get a test result. 484 out of 488 people correctly reported their results, equating to 99.2%.  Parallel tests carried out in a laboratory produced the same result, so it's pretty accurate.

So, how do you use it, and how much does it cost? The package contains a test kit, a test stand, instructions for use, and a disposal bag. It costs around £30 for a single unit, or you can order two for around £50. You can have it delivered to a local post office without giving your home address out; you just go in, show ID and pick it up at a time of your choosing. The kit contains two pouches. One has the tube, the other contains the testing device. The tube contains test fluid; you open the cap, keeping it upright, and sit the open tube in a plastic stand. It slots in securely. The test device is a gauge with a window at one end and a spatula pad at the other. You need a timer, because it takes 20 minutes to work. All you do is swab your gums, upper and lower, then put the flat pad end all the way into the tube until it touches the bottom. Then wait for 20 minutes BEFORE reading the results. It's worth noting, that although the kit collects a sample from your gum/saliva, that DOESN'T MEAN you can catch HIV like that. HIV cannot be transmitted by saliva. The test works by testing your body's natural anti-bodies.

Interpreting results

Are you sitting comfortably? Ha! Look at the window in the device. It's a bit like a pregnancy test. There are lines. Two complete lines, even if one is only feint, means you may be HIV positive & you need to seek additional testing by a trained professional to confirm an HIV diagnosis. If it's one line only, you can breath a sigh of relief. Please note, we receive no commission or benefits from promoting this product...as professional escorts working a narrowly defined niche (bicurious/bisexual/subs/swingers 65% of whom are bi) we know how clients think, we know the risks, and we thought you'd like to know about this super easy home test. One other thing, in case you didn't know... instances of STD's are lower in the ranks of sex workers than they are within the general population, that's because most of us get tested, and most of us practice safe sex. On a lighter note.... scroll down past the image for this issue's 'SCREW'. Enjoy 🙂

Fun50Couple-SCREWS

We've not published NVS in recent months due to being engrossed in property dealings and the crypto space. We've had lots of meetings for sure, however, most of them have been hard core BDSM with regulars, or else they've been fairly vanilla liaisons with newbies. Bloggers & 'Influencers' as they like to call themselves reckon you should publish same day every month and keep it regular, not bad advice, but if there's nothing genuinely interesting to report, then why fake it? We know most NVS readers stick with us because what we write is REAL and we're not forever asking people to BUY. Yes, we could write about how we've pushed boundaries with subbies, but most of those guys we've featured before; we really need to go up another level. We're wanting to, but for now we're stalled due to not having suitable premises. The recent coup d'état which removed Johnson & Truss means we're on the verge of being governed not by Westminster, but by elites within the WEF, BigPharma & BigTech. Add recent interest rate rises with more to come, forecasts by the BofE (who I do believe) of a two year recession (depression) the likes of which we've not seen for 100 years, AND the likelihood of cash being banned & you'll understand why we're swithering over our next moves.

In case you're thinking I'm being overly dramatic about the threat to cash, did you know that France is introducing restrictions on you buying anything for more than £100 in readies without justifying it to authorities? Our own Starling Bank has blocked certain transactions recently, meaning we've moved to Monzo & Revolut (the latter appears super efficient with minimal KYC/AML btw). The heart wants another full blown dungeon with additional equipment including a medical chair, full electro rubber suit, milking and fucking machines PLUS accommodation for KinkB&B;  but the head's saying WHOA! WAIT for the repossessions which look like they'll be coming thick & fast come the Spring. Locally, people desperate to sell property are already discounting by around 9-10%.

Crypto's taken a big hit too this past fortnight. We were on the cusp of another bull run, until the SBF FTX debacle; now it seems we've been set back probably by two years, with further falls followed by months of sideways trading forecast. So, we've gone back to escorting from home. For now. And that's where we entertained Mick.

Mick's a 49 year old man from Taunton Somerset & a stranger to the North East. He's up here in part due to the government's 'levelling up' policy, relocating civil servants to shiny new offices in Darlington & Newcastle. Like so so many guys, he'd previously been a member on AdultWork, taken a break for a few months, then found he couldn't log back on, ever again 🙁 The amount of BS emanating from that site is off the scale imho. From time to time when there's a dip in numbers they advertise 'amnesties' to woo people back. You wouldn't believe the hassle involved in uploading a few pics to their site these days, or even to get a blog passed by their 'moderators'.  It's the same with escort feedback: it has to be scrutinized by censors before they'll publish it. That's why we don't bother with new content on there anymore, choosing instead to post to our own sites. They get away with it because your 'average escort' needs the revenue generated by their payment gateway. Payments are a big problem for everyone in the adult industry, in that XXX content is deemed by the Big Four as 'high risk'. It's the reason we've boycotted them in favour of crypto. At the moment, few people know anything about crypto or bitcoin (only 300 million souls out of a world population of 8 billion have much to do with it, but numbers are growing daily as people lose faith in fiat currencies). Just recently the number of wallets holding 1 Bitcoin or more rose to 950 thousand. You might think that's a pifflingly small number in the grand scheme of things but remember, there are only ever going to be 21 million bitcoins. We're using a 'Forging Block' crypto payment gateway for phone sex & private galleries on fun50couple.co.uk & we'll just wait as more and more people adopt BTC & it becomes mainstream. Anyway, back to Mick.

He found us because it's still possible to browse AdultWork without signing up as a member, and contact details are still displayed publicly. Last year AW hid them from non members for a time. There was an outcry, followed by a capitulation & what we were told would be 'a temporary reprieve'. So we expect that policy to be re-introduced without warning at any time. You'd think they'd be on the side of sex workers & punters wouldn't you, but instead it appears they're prime motivation is GREED. Always has been. Sound familiar?

Mick texted us inquiring about availability, following up a half hour later with a brief phone conversation with the Minx. 'No Shows' and 'Did Not Confirm' numbers have been off the scale recently, so we took his intentions with a pinch of salt. Then all of a sudden we were in panic mode. Minx had asked him to call when leaving Newcastle, but the next we heard he was in Asda's just down the road, OOPS! Fortunately we'd started to prepare ourselves... all the time consuming stuff was done.... the douching, the grooming, the hair-washing... just make-up to do (Minx) and dressing. He was earlier than expected too. Obviously genuine, and horned up to the max by the sounds of it. We gave him directions and shortly after, a late model Tesla pulled up. A tall guy got out, around 6 foot & slimmish build. He looked older than his (49) years, as he strode purposefully towards our humble abode. Guys get a little fraught when we won't give them an exact address. Reasons being firstly, we never know if some-one's actually there for real (could be an address hunter/stalker/vice squad), & secondly, legal issues surrounding two escorts working together. In the eyes of the law that counts as a brothel, even though we're an engaged couple of nearly 16 years. Crazy? YES. Within minutes though, Mick was at ease, eying Minx's assets before parting with his tribute. Then it was onward & upward as he fair rushed up the stairs, ahead of us both & eager for dirty fun.

'So, Mick you like to cross dress do you? Are you bi as well?
'Yeah'
'Ah right, how long for?'
'Awe about 9 years I spose.... I don't do it often, but it's something I find quite interesting'
All good. The two men swapped notes about 'feelings' & past experience, while Mick undressed. Meanwhile, Minx rummaged through a TON of CD clothes to find something suitable for Mick aka Michaela. He wasn't effeminate in any way, quite masculine in fact. Once his kit was off we could admire his pert bottom, tanned torso and hairy chest. He'd got a hint of 'man tit'; nothing gross, but cups big enough to fondle, topped off with nipples that appeared to grow as we chatted. Minx offered *him* a black silk teddy with cream lace & ribbons. It fitted a treat. Then it was on with the stockings and a flashy new suspender belt. Do you like the pic? It was plain to see he was enjoying the transformation, so a wig was a 'MUST HAVE'. We chose a long brunette style; it's curly, high quality & very realistic. It suited his face, apart from the fact he'd forgotten to shave. Chuckling as he realised his error, Mick relaxed more, allowing Minx to set the hairpiece properly while Geeze foraged for a pair of heels. We'd got a brand new pair of black patent 1 inch highs in recently, for guys who are either tall, or can't handle 4 or 5 inch heels; they looked incredibly good on him and fitted perfectly. He seemed well impressed we'd got so much 'stuff' specially for cross dressers. EXPERIENCE! Remember that guys when you're searching for some-one to get kinky with! He'd only booked an hour so there wasn't time for full feminsation, nevertheless 'Michaela' looked pretty good. We felt he was 85% of the way there. The face stubble spoiled it a bit. I could fairly describe his appearance as a cross between something almost alluring, and Lemmy from Motorhead (without the warts lol God bless him RIP). All the time we were prepping, we were playing with him too, fondling his dick & balls, squeezing his tits and butt cheeks, and kissing. I've heard many people make fun of crossdressers. Especially gay men. They 'don't get it'. Past issues of NVS have highlighted the differences between straight/bi/gay and the why's and wherefores, now's not the time to go into that. Suffice to say we all have differing percentages of male/female chromosomes in our composition, and you have to take into account 'the brain' which is the biggest sex organ of them all. Cross Dressing is a state of mind, a space some of us go to from time to time, where role reversal can become very real. So real in fact that play can culminate in the MOST AMAZING CLIMAXES, orgasms the likes of which you've probably never experienced in a 'vanilla' world trust me. In fact, some of these 'Big O's' result in you cumming HARD, really HARD, even though you may not be solid in the 'erection' sense. But let's not get ahead of ourselves! Sensual three-way kissing felt good, but after a few minutes Geeze cut loose, leaving the two girls to embrace passionately, while he went down on Michaela's cock. It soon became evident there was 'chemistry' between the three of us & it's what's prompted me to write this issue of NVS. You can never truly explain why... it's all down to pheromones and aura; but it's a catalyst for deeper & deeper 'exploration' sometimes to the point of frenzy. Some would call it LUST. I don't particularly like that term, because it conjures up thoughts of 'fickleness', as if the connection isn't substantial or based on much. I differ, believing that true chemistry drives the unconscious mind, and you act accordingly as if on autopilot. It causes you to really want that other person & to savour them, heightening your own  state of arousal in the process. I'm sure you've been there. And if you haven't, and you're intrigued, then I urge you to look after Number ONE and get out there and find it. Life's short.

Mick's cock was about 7 inches hard, & Geeze took the lot, right down his throat, pausing to enjoy it, controlling his breathing so he could hold it there without gagging. We've a sub in Washington (County Durham) who does the same for Geeze, gorging on him for up to a quarter of an hour non stop. Knowing how good that feels, compelled Geeze to do the same for Mick. While this was going on, Geeze could hear Minx asking if Mick liked anal insertions, and whether he'd ever been fucked. He told her he'd never been penetrated by a man, but enjoyed toys 'once the pain passed and they were in'. Shame that....Geeze came up for air, to politely inform him that anal play should NEVER hurt. It should be performed with care and empathy. We suggested he start with some small beads but it was not to be. We'd changed focus. Geeze's cock was now between Minx's face and tits, while she got pleasured by Micks tongue. Geeze reached across Micks back, trailing his fingers down his spine to find his hole. Rubbing it lightly, Geeze felt encouraged by Mick's moans and sighs. Wetting his middle finger, Geeze massaged Mick's bum-hole firmly, then vigorously, but not to the point of penetration by fingering. Not yet anyways. You see, men (and women) experience pain with anal play usually only when they've not been primed properly. Heavy stroking especially in the area around the perineum, with intermittent deep 'manipulation' of the butt cheeks can & usually will relax the whole ass to the point where it craves more attention. As Michaela's man-cunt  began to relax, Geeze knew he could safely get away with light fingering, just a tip at first, but then more. Lubrication is a 'must' so Geeze drooled spit over Mick's lower back, knowing it would stream down the crack towards his anus, and Geeze's fingers. Now he was able to get a middle digit right in, gently reaming his ass; in, almost out,  then back in, over & over. Geeze could feel Mick's inner heat, from his core, as he penetrated him. Deeper & deeper he probed, gently and with sensitivity, until he found the 'spot', so often referred to as 'walnut' like by sex educators haha. Once you know where to look, it's a joy to find, and to stimulate it. Newbies sometimes panic, thinking they're going to pee; a sure sign you're on target. It's a signal to ease off and concentrate on gentle massage, willing it to produce precum. But Mick was beyond the point of 'gentle'. Geeze could see he was responding favourably to heavy massage so he quickened his pace. In effect he was now 'wanking' Mick's ass. Frantic rhythmic massage with intermittent deep fingering was the order of the day. Mick started shaking, burying his face deeper & deeper in Minx's sex. She too was cumming. A few drops of her squirt surprised Mick but not to the point he wanted to pull away. Geeze began to wonder if he could induce a full 'assgasm' from Michaela. It's kinda rare and usually only comes from large insertions; but alas, it was time to take a step back. Mick was on fire & it seemed now as if he desperately wanted Geeze's cock. In his mouth. The anal massage had made him feel intensely bisexual. He wanted to taste a man, to consume a man. Switching to a straddling position, he maneuvered himself so both men could perform oral on each another. As previously mentioned, Mick's bottom was beautifully proportioned. Geeze had full view of it, along with his throbbing dick and hanging balls. Mick stopped sucking & changed to masturbating Geeeze from a kneeling position, firmly but sensually, moving to all fours as it became clear Geeze might ejaculate. It was probably about half way through the scheduled hour, & Geeze knew he really shouldn't cum, although there were thoughts in his mind of cumming twice, the tryst was that hot. As Mick stooped low, Geeze stretched his tongue towards his bum-hole, not finding it, but feeling the groove below, and the sweet taste of lube from where he had been fingering him. Reaching still further Geeze almost found the rim, as he sought to push his tongue into Mick's hole. But he knew a heavy orgasm was imminent. Discipline went out the window. Resigning himself to cumming, Geeze relaxed and allowed his sap to rise: 'I'm cumming baby...... I'm gonna cum.....' then 'PHoaaaaaaaaahhhh, Oh My GOD!!!'

I have no clue where the seed went, or care for that matter. Some got cleaned up, some arced its way up & over towards the wardrobes... I think Mick got a good taste, but before there was any discussion, it was 'all change'. Again. 'Minx's turn now!....' Mick proclaimed.
'Make her cum!' ordered Geeze...
'I have already' she whispered, 'but I want more!' Geeze directed Mick to a trolley full of consumables & condoms. Choosing a black 'Extra Safe' he returned, offering the wrapper to Geeze for help with opening. Stretching it onto his cock didn't kill the moment, fortunately! Geeze then proceeded to gently massage Minx's nub, as Mick fingered her. Shuffling forward, he beat the rubbered bell-end of his cock on her clit, fast and furious like a jack hammer. 'I wanna fuck her!' Now fully hard and veiny, his balls taught & leathery, he thrust into her. Geeze wanted to stand over them on the bed.  Formerly, he'd put a wig on himself, and a pair of 5 inch Oxford heels. As he rose to stand he could feel his ankles twinging as the soft mattress failed to support him. Fearing injury he played safe, unlacing & slipping them off, so he could stand. Unbelievably he was 90% hard again, in such a short space of time. Could a second cumming be on the cards? It seemed that way. 'I wish my wife fucked like this!'..... shouted Mick. Geeze had the best seat in the house from a voyeurs POV. A six foot vertical mirror mounted on the wall at the foot of the bed afforded him full view of not only Micks peachy ass and balls, but him fully penetrating Minx. No silly little strokes like some men, Mick was FULL ON and physical. Geeze could see every detail, WOW. Wanking again, he aimed to splurge his load over Minx's heaving breasts (34H, delicious btw). But Mick had other ideas. 'Let's do doggy' he said to Minx... then changing his mind, I think cuz he realised he was so close 'No. I'll wank!' Ripping off the condom he masturbated perilously close to Minx's open vagina. 'You're making me cum again' shouted Minx. There was no faking. The chemistry was doing its work. Academics will tell you a reaction occurs when two substances interact to form new compounds or molecules, processes ubiquitous in nature and essential to life apparently. Well all I can say is 'You bet!' Geeze could see she was genuinely sexed up.'Cum over my cock' screamed Mick as he jacked off hard. 'Don't let it go in me!' warned Minx. Then, squirting for Scotland she ejaculated powerfully, upward & directly onto Mick's swollen bell-end, intermittently visible through the blur in motion. Bullseye. 'I'm cumming I'm cumming!'....he gasped. Thick 'white stuff' pumped every which way, and with force, some landing on Minx's tits, the remainder he pooled in his cupped hand. Geeze couldn't quite make it, the action was over a tad too quick, better luck next time perhaps. I'm sure we'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, which reminds me... of Vera Lynn. Quite fitting for the month of November & the times we're living in don't you think? The song is one of the most famous of the Second World War era, and resonated with soldiers going off to fight and their families and sweethearts. How many of those in that audience never came home due to their ultimate sacrifice? #Remembrance

You subscribe to NEWS VIEWS AND SCREWS to learn more about our life as an Escort Couple. YOUR PLEASURE is OUR BUSINESS! Would YOU like to experience a meeting like the one I've just shared with you?  We turn fantasy into reality. Get in touch for #WhatDreamsAreMadeOf! Thank you for your continued support. Until next time, take care, Luv, fun50couple xxx

Do stories like these turn you on? Are you one of those 'wishing'? All we share with you in NEWS VIEWS AND SCREWS is true*!  You, yes YOU, could be participating & enjoying scenarios like these a few short hours from now, anywhere in the UK. So, pick up the phone! Don't be shy. The number you need is 07981-726237 (Minx) or email support@fun50couple.com. See you soon!

If it's phone sex you're wanting, we prefer you call our private number rather than go through AdultWork. Click the phone sex page on fun50couple.com, or the SHOP page on fun50couple.co.uk. Then get tissues, get comfy & dial. Calls cost £1.50per minute.

* Please note we NEVER divulge people’s identities and we have changed some names and details to preserve complete anonymity.

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